They say I got all of the attention juss cuz I'm the youngest.

Either that was never true or it quickly changed when the older kids started popping out babies.

And Dust had his baby when I was 13, so I may have had my parents attention for at least 13 years, well for Dad more like 11-12 years IF I believe the whole 'youngest gets more attention' bullcrap. Because most of the years prior to Dust having a baby at age 17 he was definitely getting more attention from Mom and Dad while he ran around and got in trouble with his friends all the time.

Min was the perfect behaved angel always holed up in her cave or off to college and studying so I never really got to know her and Dust gobbled all the attention and sanity my parents had left, so I feel like sometimes Dallin was the only one who paid attention to me and vice versa. We had some good times. We had that love/hate relationship tho where we could be fine one minute and fighting on the floor the next.

In my evidence of things with Natalies family so far the youngest is the last one to get any attention mainly cuz she cant talk yet, but still.... She, like most youngest kids I believe, are in that position where you have to -demand- attention in order to get some essentials done and sometimes just some simple love. So she has to scream her head off in order to get someone to hold her cuz she doesnt feel good or something. Youngest kids wouldnt have to scream so much if they actually got their parents attention ya know.

Anyways, juss thinking about stuff.

I love my mom, I do, I really do. But sometimes I'm pritti sure she doesn't know how to love me or else she juss simply doesn't. Too much effort. Not enough time.

Grandbabies to think about, spoil, visit, kiss, hug, spend money and time to spend with them. I kid you not, my mom spent more time and effort pushing me away or talking me down instead of actually juss hugging or kissing me so I'd go away. I have proof, she still does it to this day.

I suppose this is the age where you start to blame your parents for how screwed up you are. :D

I wonder how in the world I learned to love in that family. Then I think about my relationships or lack thereof.... and maybe I didnt learn much about the effort of loving someone. Maybe all these years I thought I was doing pritti good in the whole love department. Maybe I juss learned how to demand attention from others, but not how to reciporcate it like me mum seems to be...

My love language is giving gifts, thats how I show/give love to others. So when its not received well or they want to take it back or whatever it actually means something to me. I receive love by time, attention, and touch. So its almost Vday and I got some gift ideas for my mum and ya know I have a hard time convincing myself its worth the effort to make. See sometimes I buy gifts that juss scream my family members name, but a lot of the time I actually use time and somewhat talent to MAKE them a gift. But its not usually received well. Esp from my mom. Others can say sorry if they didnt like the gift and move on. When I put the time and effort into it, it kinda hurts me.

But I'll make this gift, a painting of our family tree, and see if I can get her to sit down for two seconds at Gmas (cuz she wont come to my house) and see if she'll like it.