It's official.

Office supplies like binder clips, rubber bands and paperclips no longer hold up my pants.

I'm going to have to buy more clothes.

Ugh.

It's getting ridiculous, but I've been holding on for so long.

28 lbs lost. I'm like 81kg now.

Everyone says "Yay! That must feel good."

But I seem to dread it.... I'm getting closer to that size in my diary picture.

And I remember how I was treated.

I don't want to go back to that.

When older men think I'm barely legal and slink up to me.

When the younger kids think I'm just as young and dumb as they are and invite me to stupid things.

When I get questioned about my legality/age everywhere I go. I've already gotten that so far and its only 28lbs!

This isn't even mentioning the shallow reasons legit prospects are suddenly attracted to me.

At least when I was fat I -knew- they were shallow and wouldn't talk to me for one reason.

I'm too old for this shit. I don't want to go back.

But then on the other hand I will always have the problem of finding a guy that would follow me to the end of the earth, fat or not, mean or nice, smart or dumb, etc. They don't care. They are just in love with me no matter what form I take and all they see is bliss, happiness, a nice, smart person, etc.

And that annoys me too.

I guess there is no winning here. So I might as well feel good about myself and be a healthy weight.

Tad went into another "I love you" mode again like -right- after I got back from vacation.

I was still motion sick from being on land again after the cruise and he kinda dove into this love confession.

Needless to say I was not in the mood. I've been clear in my position on the matter since July 1 2017.

I don't love him.

This is the third time he's decided to change his mind about being "Just friends" with me (w/o me knowing) or had some weird miscommunication in his head (not by me) that thought I had changed my mind about being just friends. His overthinking and overreacting makes it hard to "fall in love" with him also.

He carried his love confession late into the night and started again the next morning. I don't do mornings.

I finally replied to his monologue, "I'm sorry. I can't keep doing this. I don't think we should see each other anymore."

I had to 'break up' with him again. It's riduculous I have to say it like that cuz we were never together!

As soon as I got off the boat he was there texting me invites to do all this stuff and offering to pick me up from the airport etc. He clearly missed me. On the other hand, I had no problem unplugging from the world for a week. I could feel he -really- wanted to pick me up when I got in, but I had already made plans. And I was -still- on vacation technically! I was busy! He didn't even know when I was coming back! But I could feel the invites getting more and more...desperate as he basically had my birthday already planned out, a month in advance, it started to get creepy and go downhill from there.

That, sickness, and all the other adult stuff I was supposed to do when I got done with vacay, well, we can just say I lost my patience with the boy.

I had asked my roommate to pick me up from the airport at midnight. I think I might regret that decision in the near future. But maybe not more than if I let the boy do it. The first thing she said was "You're lucky I'm such a good roommate. I almost didn't come because it was so late." Or something to that effect. (I didn't feel bad cuz I know she doesn't go to bed until 12:30-1am, she would have been up anyways. I go to bed before she does ALL the time) Then she went on about if it were during rush hour or a snow storm she would have charged me to come pick me up, etc. I thought with all the praise she was giving herself for being such a nice, good roommate/person that I wouldn't have to thank her 20 times to make her feel special. I think I was wrong. I only said it once.

She's such a sweetheart. I'm so glad she's ...there for me and always...has my..back. She didn't offer to help me with my bags. She opened her car door for the luggage to go into, but that was it. For me, it was like 2am, just got off a 4.5 hour flight, motion sick, no clean clothes to wear and had to go to work in the next 6 hours or something. But I dragged my luggage like a zombie behind her. She had parked in the garage and had to pay to get out and I knew I would never hear the end of it if I didn't pay the measley $2 for her, even though she didn't have to park.

Coming back from vacay was A LOT harder this time. Usually I'm content with going home as I'm usually done after 10 days, and I was content on the plane, until I landed. And all these people and their craziness and all these adult things to do and I just want to fly away again.