Frustrations   I'm beginning to HATE Caspers now. They make their workers work at all hours of the night and take advantage of their 'free time' on the weekends. On school days they work from 3:30pm until like 10:30pm on a school night, sucks if you have homework huh. They work 3 to 4 days a week, I hear they can decide how many days a week they work. On Fridays they make them work at 3:30pm until like 2am! That my be legal to keep them there that long on a Friday night but it's unethical! They make them work on Saturdays to! And that's more than 3 to 4 days a week! grrr.... Then my boy toy is like almost the 'boss' there. He gets to boss people around and help train them, but that means he has to work more. And he likes to work 12 hours straight! And is going to do it regularly in the summer. Stupid cow. "Isn't cool?! I getta work from 3:30 today until 8 Saturday morning." I'm sooo NOT impressed. "It was my idea to!" Yes, it was HIS IDEA. He said he'd work that shift juss because morrow is Health Days. So now instead of being awake and missing some of it he's going to sleep through most of it and/or not be able to function the rest of the time. I don't wanna hang out with him morrow.... grrrr Honestly, he likes, no, he LOVES work and merely likes me. He wants to work 24/7 instead of being around me. No matter how many times he says, "I dont wanna go, I wanna stay with you" Yeah, well, talk is cheap. He has this thing where he can't um...function correctly with like less than 6 hours of sleep, but even 6 hours is pushing it. He sleeps all day through school after coming home from work. I don't know if I can be 'owned' by someone I never see b/c he's working 24/7. He's like in love with his job and is dating it, might as well marry it. I could spend my time dating or something huh.... Something has always told me NOT to apply at Caspers. I never really knew why except for the fact it'd be really AWKWARD working with my boyfriend when he's like the one training and bossing me around (not that it's any different away from work). I don't want him to know how stupid I am, juss yet anyway. Then Kirri absolutely hates working there and wants to quit. I know why now. I've always had a bad feeling about ..thinking about...working there. I am blind- I need new contacts I want to read my scriptures right now, like totally lose myself in them for hours. But of course, the devil will take that amibition away from me quickly now won't he. I juss got a paper that says 'Congrats'...so I think that's a good thing and something about an award...but I don't like the word 'recognized' at a day-time appreciation assembly. What'd I do?! I didn't do nuffin! What'd I do to deserve this!? I keep to myself, I'm a quiet, shy kid. I don't wanna be recognized! Appreciation?? I didn't do nuffin to deserve that! I'm still angry with my boy toy tho b/c he chooses to work ridiculous hours that I know he can't survive on...at least with me around... So it's time for him to make a choice. My Power Packed Phrase for the day. EITHER ME OR YOUR WORK Choose you this day whom you shall marry... But of course, I won't let him quit or adjust his working habits or anything b/c that's like his life...he needs it. He doesn't need me. So I guess that means I'll hafta go. This isn't going to work out. Anger. Hurt. I was juss thinking at lunch if I could break up with him and juss start dating like I used to. I don't think I could do it too easily. And I definately can't see myself kissing anyone else if I broke up with the boy. Holding hands would prolly be out of the question too. And it would definately be hard if I broke up now and still had like a month left of school! Cuz I would see him everyday an' stuff....So maybe I should give it until the rest of the month. But then if I get a job and don't time for him nor anyone else might as well stay with boy I never see cuz I don't have time for anything else. I wish I had a life. I'll give it a month to see how it goes. Until then I shall grovel and grid my teeth and hide my anger. This is going to be hell if I stick with this for very long. Or maybe it's juss me not being able to make a rational decision b/c I'm..not on my period...and his working schedule really isn't that hard.... OY VAY KILL ME NOW!! Well gotta go do some costumes stuff...then go to Natalies....and then rehearsal....woo woo... then Saturday...forget the boy, he'll be sleeping/not functioning ...so I'll prolly go all by myself but I'm going to have fun at Health Days. And the days go on...... I'm half tempted to let Derek read some of my journal entries since I'm being all weird and not very talkative. If he can be silent, so can I. Annddd I can't remember how to change the background on my sitdiary here!!! I want to put another picture there but I forgot how!! grrr... ______________________________________________ Yeah, the past couple entries or so have been juss my thinking out..loud...so it doesn't make sense and totally contradicts itself over and over again. But thats how you have to make decisions. So sorry about the donfusion. I would delete them, but they will be of good use one I believe. Juss ingore my girly confusing emotional outbursts here. hehe