I feel a lot better visiting the house and cleaning it one room at a time... I feel better about them being gone, feel better about me moving, better all around that my world hasn't come to an end and no one has noticed.

Cleaning each room seeing the tiny greasy fingers on the doors and handles, the remains of bandages and toothpaste, the creaks and familiar noises where once two little boys played and two parents yelled and loved. It felt like some type of closure.

I talk like they are dead. They're not. Juss moved temporarily. I can still feel grieving tho. The slight break from Evan and to be able to clean was also very helpful. I became excited about shopping for the house and decorating ideas again. He kinda sucked the fun out of it with comments like "the D.I. is overpriced" (if the DI is overpriced then where the hell do I go?), "you dont need that", "c'mon lets go home", "this one is better", "but its used" and the never-ending "You aren't seriously going to get that/do that are you?".

But now the place is pritti much cleaned cept for some rag sacrifices to the dust bunnies and cobwebs. Time for my stuff to go in. I really cant wait to put my kitchen table in there for some reason. Shopping for my house has become exciting again cuz I have a place to put stuff now. I brought my kitchen and bathroom stuff over first and cleaned those two rooms and then one bedroom. Evan came over and vaccumed and wiped the other four rooms down.

His comments made it clear that he was...used to a ..higher standard of living. I have a feeling that one girl who didnt show up to see the house like she said she would had the same idea. But I am not ashamed of where I came from or where (the house) my sister and I started out our lives together and separately. But there is one other girl that is desperate to get the place but it seems she has no car to get to the house to see it. Maybe the key factor being she hasn't seen the place yet. But I'm not in a hurry to find a roomie. I already paid for this months rent. Evan wants me to re-post.

Meanwhile, I've been looking for cheap last-minute Rent Tickets and I found some fer morrow. Evan loves the whole bargain/barter thing so he offered $75 for the tickets instead of the hundred they are prolly worth. So we're going to pick up the tickets and see Rent morrow night! Eee! So excited! I offered them to Dal but he said no cuz of gas prices and other upcoming 'expenses' (like a baby 8 months away). Loryn would totally be on board...if she knew about it, but he refuses to tell her cuz she'll talk him into it. So I'm excited! I'm really curious to see how they portray the AIDS victims and the gay/lesbian culture on the stage. And I LOVE the songs! Totally gonna listen to that CD non-stop!

And as of 10 minutes ago some guy got high centered on a curb for reasons that keep changing, he saw two trucks within a few feet from each other and decided to ask around to see who could help him out. Twice in this office he stated it was cuz he was talking (on the phone I'm guessing either way is worriesome) and then when his friend/brother? shows up suddenly a dog ran in front of him causing him to swerve (ya I prolly shoulda tried that myself). Its funny how things change with different ppl/personalities....

Lots of things going on in Wednesday Land! I get to shop for my house, get my furniture thats plaguing my room out, possibly get my bed in mah house, possibly decorate the house, prolly get the place to myself for awhile, get a passport and I getta see Rent! Totally awesome!

Thank you God for sleep aids this week so my mind will shut up! Too much sadness and excitment at the same time! I juss can't take it anymore!