Discovery The days of my life so far: Early Morning @ 6am School with tests, homework, things due etc...til 3:00 basically.... Then eat, homework, call people for info or babysit until 5ish... Work at the mall from 5 to 9pm...get sponsors (get paid?) Note to self: Remember to pay tithing on those checks you can't remember.... Come home and eat, shower, homework until I'm done so I can go to bed hopefully around 10:30 or 11... Get about 6 hours of sleep if I'm lucky. Get up at 5am and start all over again! Wee! I pritti much do that all week except for Wednesday I don't work but I get to go to the parade and call for my dresses...and homework but really nothing the rest of the day. Yay, treat for me. And Friday we have half-a-day and then I work at 4 til prolly 8ish I hope. So I think I'll be able to go to the game...so their is slots there to hang out with the boy...And I know he's available b/c he doesn't have work. Now who switched roles and knows how I feel now? It's strange. I know how he feels while working all the time, and he knows how it feels not working and not having anything to do. But hey, it'll all be straightened out on Saturday. And then another chaos come next week! Working on Monday and Tuesday...along with school (tests/homework) and then on Wednesday leaving for SLC, St. George, Cedar City and coming back Friday night/Saturday morning (early) and then I'll have Saturday to sleep and hang around! Weee! I'll have a 'free day'. Two busy but hecka fun weeks! I will be happy and smile thru it all! I may be stressed at times and not want to go on, but I will! I juss have to pick myself up and think that this spontaneous stuff is fun! I won't even notice what stressed me if I don't dwell on it. Time to conquer myself now. Oy vay. God help me. Don't let me get any sicker. I need the strength physically, not juss mentally. I can control this. Yup....shure..can.. All the sudden I went Anti-Negative...which is annoying....but it's definately better than what I used to be. I look back and see all my friends that aren't so positive and it makes me sad. The way I used to be. The reason why I got along with all my friends. I didn't know that positivity would be ruin friendships. I didn't realize you got along with someone well merely b/c of both yer attitudes (negative or positive). I guess that's the whole "dont you agree?" thing and you say yes juss so there's no awkwardness. But then one day you get this thought in your head..."No, I don't agree, b/c that's not very nice" or something. Then all the sudden there's awkwardness and the whole "I dont like you, you've changed" thing. *shrugs* Well, it makes sense to me okay?! They try to make my life seem so 'perfect' and bliss juss b/c I have a boyfriend or something. Lame. I have two jobs, college classes I would like to pass, other school stuff and drama along with what everyone else has. Gotta survive somehow right? As much as I hate to admitt it, I think positivity works better, esp with controlling my mental breakdowns. I'm sorry, but if I want to stay sane, mentally okay, physically okay, not on medication, out of the hospital, etc..... I have to be positive! I may not be a perfect person, or totally 'different' from others. I may be juss like everyone else in your opinion. But it's me. I'm an individual. And I'm happy with it. I'm learning so many things. God's right if you read the BofM you can find the 'mysteries of the world unfold to you'! You can comprehend and learn some of the things that He knows! It's great...yeah...life is going good. These challenges I was prepared for and I'm going to learn from them. Curse the boy that taught me to 'enjoy' learning. *smiles sweetly* I think this is the right way I can conquer myself....discover myself...be myself.