Last night. Er early this morning I guess technically. I basically people watched for 6 hours. I saw a girl who was trying to be...someone she's not, to be cool, to be accepted, to feel adventurous. She was clearly not comfortable. I saw boys who invited her to such activities that they knew she would not feel comfortable participating it or enjoy. I saw these boys degrade her the whole night, secretly and openly. I saw this girl dating a boy, a relationship that would clearly not work out due to their...standards or lack thereof. She created 'rules' for a young man expecting him to follow them. A man who was clearly not used to being that tied down and would rebel one day. I saw this girl talking to this boy as if he really cared about what she was saying. Even tho it was clear in his countenance that he didn't care and was trying to concentrate on something else. All I could think in my head was "why does this girl keep talking like someone cares?" I saw another boy ignoring the girl he invited for over 3 hours. Who knew no one and was extremely tired and irked, therefore she did not talk to anyone for those 3 hours. I saw a boy offer everyone on the table something to drink except for one girl. I saw a conversation go only between four people out of 7. I see three sides of this whole disrespect issue. I see those who can openly, rudely, abruptly and verbally disrespect one. I see those who can silently, secretly, and subtly disrespect someone. And then I see those that seem....ignorant. approach it nicely, think they are respecting, may be in denial, but can overdo the love and affection to the point its disrespectful. In the past 6 months. I have seen all three sides. And who knows, maybe there is a lot more out there. I have been with the guy who can hug me and kiss me and right after abruptly tell me that he doesn't give a damn about me. I have been with the guy who invites me over to play with him and his friends and then ignore me while he talks to those he knows. And then does subtly pay attention when there is affection involved such as during a movie. Not completely rude, but not completely nice either. I have been with the guy who can attack with me hugs and kisses and loving words, taking it to a point where that is all I expect from him anymore. A boy who thinks he is treating me with respect cuz of so much love and affection. When really he can't even carry on a conversation without suggesting sex or inappropriate acts. I'm sure he cares about me, I'm sure he thinks he respects me, but sometimes I can't please him with sex or dirty talk all the time. And oohh no, I'm sure all of those above do not MEAN to hurt anyone or make them feel pressured or disrespected in any way. They just ...do. And they don't see it, and they wont change it, even if they did it, cuz thats just the way life is for them. _____________________________________________ Anyways.... moving on From midnight to 3am sitting at that table at Coffee Break with only four of them talking and two of them falling asleep and me 'people watching' I found two guys in the corner table waving me over to play cards with them. They have been staring me down since they walked in and got drinks. Highly uncomfortable. I swear I've seen him before.... During the conversation I was slowly tuning out due to lack of interest I learned that the girl I just met, sitting next to me, thought that the guys were motioning her to come over. She tried to get someone from the table to go with her. I laughed so hard. They wanted ME to go over, but she was gonna take the offer, and wanted ME to join her. Hah! No way. No one else knew they were talking to me except me. It was slightly hilarious how oblivious everyone was to my quiet world. I soo wanted to see their reaction when she came over instead of me. But she decided against it cuz no one would go with her. It made my night. Not that two guys thought I was attractive, noticed I wasn't participating (be ignored) in anything at the table, and wanted to 'get to know me', BUT the fact that someone else had mistaken the invitation for them and was going to take the invitation! Meanwhile, I was secretly googling a hot guy in one of those english bloke hats who had lots of tattoos on the other table playing cards. We kept making eye contact. A LOT. And it wasn't that embarrassing after awhile. He was hot and frankly, I wanted to do him. But I shall refrain. I thought it was totally ironic with James sitting right there, so I'd have to kinda look around him to see this hot dude. Cuz thas how James and I met, we kept making eye contact, A LOT at the ER that night. It made me giggle. Oh the irony. All I could think about was doing this hot guy on the next table, while being ignored by James, and turning red and shaking my head at the two boys motioning me over to their table. Yeah, it's prolly not a good idea for me to go to Coffee Break alone. Damn I wanted that guy....