I'm tired of pretending. I'm tired of waiting for school to end. I'm tired of the count down. I'm tired of the fear of mistakes for me and others. I'm tired of being weak. I'm tired of planning and re planning my happy ending. I'm tired of living life and feeling like I'm getting nothing in return. I'm tired of acting like I care. I'm tired of hiding it all. I'm tired of going along with everyone elses lifes. I'm tired of being the 3rd or 5th wheel. I'm tired of finding the money to do all this. I'm tired of watching everyone else either enhance their life or destroy it. I'm tired of all the whining and complaining. I'm tired of being judged. I'm tired of people telling me what I'm doing wrong and not recognizing what I'm doing right. I'm tired of the advice, lectures and obvious statements. I'm tired of smiling and nodding. I'm tired of all the gossip. I'm tired of all the worry. I'm tired of predicting mine and others lifes. I'm tired of trying to please everyone. I'm tired of trying to be perfect. I'm tired of fear of displeasing one person. I'm tired of adjusting to everything else around me. I'm tired of eating so much. I'm tired of pretending to be happy for weddings and pregnancies. I'm tired of mine and everyone elses facade. I'm tired of being told who/what/when I should date. I'm tired of not being able to see right now b/c of contacts. I'm tired of the fake conversations I have to have. I'm tired of getting up each day and living for someone elses events. I'm tired of all the 'big, memorable events' for everyone else. I'm tired of not seeing my friends. I'm tired of attempting to plan things for me. I'm tired of thinking about everyone elses birthday, everyone elses marriages, everyone elses baby or bridal showers. I'm tired of being allergic to spring. I'm tired of being excited for only a day at a time. I'm tired of trying to replenish the energy to go on. I'm tired of feeling like I'm not going anywhere. I'm tired of living for everyone else and now I have to work for someone else. Patsy is going on vacation for like two weeks and I'm stuck with Ralph. I'm tired of never getting a break, never having a vacation, never having a car, never having the time, never having the money. I'm tired of feeling so immersed in my life, but never being able to control it. I'm tired of caring... for other people. I'm tired of my own selfishness. I'm tired of making journal entires of how tired I am. ~Love, me~