In sacrament today we did the worship by singing. When like everyone says their favorite song and why and then we sing it. So a lot of the songs were like dedications because most ppl have favorite songs because it reminds them of someone. It was cool, I wrote the song titles and the persons reasons why while we sang. I love singing. Good heavens I miss it. We were going over our alloted time so the bishop stands up before the last girl goes up and says "because of time I would ask if her song could be our closing song". So this girl comes up saying "its not much of a closing song" and turns out it was 'We Ever Pray for Thee" and she said she liked it because she was in a choir and sang it to the prophet once. So in a way she was like dedicating it to the prophet. That was our closing song. I actually listened the whole three hours of church. Good heavens I miss it. You don't know good it really is until you find it missing in your life. How do you explain that to those that never miss it and think it's getting boring? How do you tell the person falling asleep next to you how much you missed that feeling church gives you and you dont know how you could've slept through that type of feeling for so many years growing up? All I know is that I'm gonna keep going to church, just for that feeling... I came home and took a shower and took a nap. Woke up to Grandma yelling up the stairs asking if I was awake. She asked me if I wanted to take dinner to Mindy and Claine. I said sure cuz I wanted to watch Mindys movie "Because I said so" too. So Grandma packed up lunch/dinner for us and I took it over in Grandmas car. We ate and watched a movie. I was ornery and in pain and had a rude awakening. heh. Then Minnie told me that Mutti made an appointment for the doctor on Monday without my knowing and/or consent. So I called up Mutti to yell at her for making appointments without my knowledge and like making me skip class for no reason. Dallin in the background "Don't worry she did that to me too!" Oy. This is a pointless trip. I do not have a sinus infection. I just need to get my wisdom teeth out and then my head will be fine. I just have headaches. The end. No doctor. Hate doctor. Don't have money for doctor. We watched the movie and Amercias Funniest. I poured my heart out to Mindy about my religious and moral struggles I've had for the past month after Braxton went to bed. She listened to woes. And I realized a lot of things talking to her. She said I needed a therapist to talk to. Oy. I hate that answer. Ferget it, I'll go back to talkin to my journal. heh. I thought that's what family is fer... guess not. I totally poured my heart out and I realized by telling her all that...that I haven't given up yet. While in the mist of pouring my heart out to Mindy on the verge of tears, I got a text from Jordan stating "President Hinckley passed away today". ERP. Hold on. Wait a minute. I'm like confessing my sins to Minnie and I found out the prophet is dead. We turned on the news. Natalie called me soon after and asked if I was okay. I was still in shock and I knew it wouldn't..hit for a while. Then we all went back to texting each other. I texted Levi, I didn't know if he knew yet. He obviously didnt, he was in shock. Dallin knew.. I didn't dare text Kiwi, I wonder how she handled it. Mindy said she was happy for him cuz he could be with his wife now. I think I feel that way too. 97 years old. Died of natural causes. wow. it feels weird. like National recognizition for that man. what a great reunion in heaven. what a relief for him and his wife. He was the prophet I've ever known, the only one I could remember from when I was little, he was prophet most of my life! When I'm old and my kids ask me what prophet I remember or loved most of my life, I could prolly say "Prophet Gordon B. Hinckley, the 15th prophet." Cept he won't be the one there 'most' of my life when I'm like 60, but still. I feel like my recent sinning has killed the prophet. But if was our sins that killed the prophet, he woulda been dead a long time ago. I think this man will bring like mass texting tonight more than any other person could bring or event. Like Valentines Day there will be like mass texting of 'I love you's, but I think the news of his death will bring more texts than ever. Grandma says a lot of people will leave the church because of his death, because they worshipped/believed in the man instead of the gospel/Jesus. Levi's dad says "How do you think Pres Monson feels right now?" which brings all those questions of "who's going to take his place?" and "how could someone take his place?" etc. I talked to Levi until like midnight. I poured my heart out, learned the prophet is gone, and talked to Levi. This night was ...weird. But the church still goes on.