The Decision I had a lil' chat with Derek.... He has to work full time for his mission... I dont really believe they have to work 24/7 nor 40hrs a week...but they say it has to happen.... That's understandable...it's not like I was trying to destroy his job/life. I juss merely think he'll have a better life if I'm gone. But then I seem to make it sound like I'm doing this for him. But really, I guess, this is for me. I guess the only thing is that I wanna date this summer....and if he can agree to let me do that then we'll stay together. And after almost making him cry and scaring him to death I think he'll agree to let me do that. So I think all is well in the land of Sara. Derek doesn't know it yet, but we'll let him ponder about it until I can tell him. I feel like going to his work at like 3 in the morning and screaming, "I love you Derek and I'll do anything, go through any trial as long as I'm still with you! I admitt I'm scared as hell, I'm like jumping into a black hole and the only hope I have is the persons hand I'm holding as I jump and I trust him will all that I have! I will stay with you this whole summer! Even if I'm negative or doubtful about some of it! I'll do it! I'll do anything for you...I care about you! And...and I love you Derek!" We'll find a way to work out this summer. It won't kill anyone if we stay, but then again it won't kill anyone if we didn't stay. I think I'll do something ..different...in my lifetime to have a lil' variety with my decisions in life. mwhahaha.... I think I have a hard time...recognizing...love.. it's not that I can't do it, but I don't know when it's there. It's like those are not used to feeling the Spirit, it scares them until they get used to it and they love it. I think I'll learn to get used to it. All he hasta do is agree to trust me and let me date this summer. Then it's a guaranteed together forever kinda thing. My head hurts. My eyes hurt. My heart hurts. My feelings hurt. I don't want it to end, and it won't. It'll be hard...but ...but he's positive and I'll be holding onto him. My decision... Is to stay with the one I love. Unconditional love is loving someone -no matter what happens- or what they do. I think I'll try that out. I juss hafta have faith as I leap into a black hole. I've learned so much from him. He's taught me so much. I juss hope he'll accept me even when I wanna date others. I think I know why I haven't had my period too. It's all because of stress, and since school isn't stressing me out....I think it's this decision I have to make if I wanna be with him or not. Hopefully that stress will go away soon huh, and then it'll come. :D I painted my nails pink...to go with my dress I wanna wear morrow. :D I guess I'll see him morrow.. Then I'll tell him we'll be together this summer on one condition...and I'm shure he'll go for it. Tonight tho, the only decision we've made is that we'll wait a lil' while. I say at least until the end of the school year (month) b/c I still wanna ride to school an' all :D and it'll be hard to see him everyday too. But time is what we agreed on.... I shure hope I don't change my mind tho.... Please let me keep a decision....please let this not screw both of us over... I think I love him... And I'm scared to death...