Man, Its been a long time since I've been on a date, like a new, nervous date.

My body did not handle it well. Kinda glad it ended a bit early. I dont think I would have survived.

Did I mention I feel like the guy in any type of relationship I have?

"In the words of a rap song my neighbor used to play

on his boombox when I was a kid: Hold up, wait a minute"

-Under Locke: Mariana Zapata

I read a 418 page book in two days.

Granted I was totally obsessed with it. It was so hot. Hot like, without sex, kind of hot. If only daily interaction or communication with the opposite sex could be that fun in real life...

It described a man that I swear does not exist, but I soo wish did. And I only wish he existed for this one quality, confidence. Condifence almost to the point of arrogance, but not. Thas all I ask. It seems so simple, but it juss doesn't happen. And then it makes me want to have that much confidence also in order to attract confident males, but that kinda makes the wrong guys attracted to me also. Anyways...

A girl can dream. And boy did I.....Rawr rawr.

I seriously cannot find a reason to go home anymore. At All. Ever.

I haven't been home since Christmas. Didn't go for any bdays or holidays, and prolly not even Mothers Day this weekend. She's working and sleeping the whole day, the one day I'd be able to drive and see her. Love my brothers, but I ain't driving up for one day juss to see them. They hardly make the effort for me if there's something in it for them.

So I decided to mail everything for them up there, but mailing it today will mean it prolly won't get there until Monday, a date late. Oh well. Beats gas money.