Sssh it's a secret   He kissed me. Again. Nate Harris did. He mentioned he missed my late night visits. Hinted for me to come by again. *shrugs* It was a monday, had nothing else to do but wait for a car until 9:30 and then go see if he was still awake...and in the basement. Shure nuff he's awake. And juss cuz all the snow -was- gone I juss walked through his front lawn and to his backyard. Opened the gate and walked to his glass door thing. I stood and watched him as he wandered around on the phone chatting. While Phil was on the compy typing up a report of some kind. I started kicking the door lightly juss for enuff sound. I knew phil heard it b/c he was moving his head around and then he heard me and so he stops and trys to find out what it is. Nate thinks Phil's crazy saying it was the laundry or something. Phil looks back and sees me and waves. Nate still didn't catch on. Silly boy. It was Monday. I hate mondays with a fiery passion. I was having a crappy day and didn't know if it was a good idea to show up in a bad/negative mood at his place anyway, b/c usually he's that way and I hafta cheer him up. Not the case this time. He was happy as a clam. I love'd every minute of it, even it was corny. He invited me b/c his parents had went to bed. Yeah, I knew, I saw them go to bed as I walked into their front lawn. I stood up, I didn't want to but I did...we stood in his basement and talked. We talked about the 'group' and the many problems in it. Talked about boys, of course he wanted to know about my guy. And of course, everyone wants to know how the kissing is going. I went on and on about Derek. I was hoping he wasn't getting sick of it b/c nobody really cares and tells me to shut up and go away anyway. We talked until about 1030. I told him I'd let him go. He was icing his pulled muscle and said he wasn't going to bed until he was done icing it. So I stayed for a bit longer. I reminded him he said he'd go ice skating with me. It's set up I've got another date. I wonder what Derek will think? *shrugs* Nate's a good friend. I stood up and told him I was leaving. I said that many times. It was so hot, when I was leaving he pulled at my shirt like by my stomach and pulled me back so he could hug me goodbye. Problem was...he didn't let go... He got his arms underneath my coat and juss wrapped them around like his arms could go around me 10 times. I felt skinny that's fer shure. He held me for like ten minutes I swear. Earlier he was telling me the obvious hints of when someone wants you to kiss them or something like getting close..and rubbing your cheek with theirs, juss getting really close to their face basically. After ten minutes of my eye rolling... confused, annoyed and bored looks he started to move his head around. I thought oh bother... First thought : Please don't kiss me Second thought : Dang, I have really disgusting gum in my mouth right now and I can't get rid of it. Third thought : Aaaaahhh he's gonna kiss me, HIDE the GuM! So after an eternity of him huggin me, feeling me up I suppose, his head moves around. I get brave nuff to speak a lil' bit juss to buy time so he won't kiss me. But soon after my questions he goes for it. Suck suck suck... I honestly don't ever think I'll find a guy that can actually kiss. I should get used to crappy kissers. Or maybe that's classified as good? I wouldn't know. I love the boy to death really, but kissing is not his strong point. He literally puts his whole mouth into yours. You think juss a tongue is bad...wait until you get lips, tongue and teeth mixed with yours. *shrugs* But I must admitt I did 'kiss back' if that's what you call it when yer trying to find air and the only way is to shove his mouth out by using yours. I um...what's the word..kinda like bit...lightly sucked? I dunno. I bit his lip a lil. That's the only thing that was okay. It was kinda funny but hurt the position I was in. Its like standing up and someones trying to shove a whole banana in your mouth when you don't want it but you can't move your feet. So yer like a leaning tree with pressure on the mouth. Not very comfortable. I wonder if that came across as 'pushing away'. He might as well dipped me for the whole like 5 minutes he was snogging my face off. Yeah, see if he would be comfortable doing that. He stopped for a bit. Said these exact words. "Probably shouldn't have done that." See a big red flag showing up anywhere? I nod and say, "Yeah, probably not." The big red flag is jumping in front of you! Can you see it? A couple seconds later and he's back to snogging my face off again. But this time he's using a lil' more of his body into it. Ick. Why didn't you warn me boys were so icky? lol jk By this time it's like 15 after 11. I was leaving at 11....so 10 minutes of hugging/feeling me up and 5 minutes of snogging. It was kinda funny I thought, b/c he was so into the kissing thing he wasn't paying attention to anything else. Like for example my obvious feelings. I opened my eyes every once in awhile and did the eye roll for dramatic effects. He never opened his eyes. I never thought I'd roll my eyes while some guy snogging me was gettin' hot. The day has come. Proved me wrong. Okay, he stopped and hugged me again. I said bye to him again. He was already feeling guilty and called himself a monster b/c his weakness is pritti obvious. He's easily aroused. I told him he wasn't a monster and to go to bed even tho I knew he wouldn't sleep for obvious reasons. Ew, he was going to think about me. So then I left, spitting my gum out on the way and feeling my lips b/c it felt like they were really dry..like when you bite/suck on them too long they go dry and cracked. Yeah, that's the feeling around my whole mouth. Didn't think it was possible. So then....came back home to see Minnie rushing downstairs saying, "I'm glad I'm not you right now!" That was the hint I should've taken and walked back out the door. But noo. And there she was, Mutti came storming in her PJ's with the face of death and points her crooked bony finger at me, "Your curfew is now 10 o'clock on school nights and 11 on weekends." I was a lil' confused...wasn't it that way all the time? Did it change and I didn't know it? Did I really care? Did I ever come home on time? She says, "If you don't start obeying that rule (cuz I never do) then we're gonna have....have...WAR!" Now where I come from, them there are fighting words ya hear? *shrugs* I didn't really care. I was still in shock from being horribly attacked, I mean kissed, by Nate. I went to my room and read my Seventeen magazine and listened to the Dashboard CD Derek burned for me. I wonder what Derek would think? He doesn't hafta know. He -won't- know. It shouldn't matter b/c he never 'asked' officially we were bf and gf. He juss holds my hand in the hall thas all. *shrugs* And I still have that date with Nate. I should talk to him about it. If he tells me that I can't go out with him I'd giggle and think it's hot and not do it. But of course, passive Derek won't say that. I almost feel bad b/c when asked about his kissing skills I make him sound like he's the best out there in the whole world. I only compare him to David, and from there, anybody is on the "good kissing" list. Kinda sad tho, I feel guilty b/c I'm lying but nobody hasta know right? Now, Ryker ish actually a sweet kisser I like his, but then again I've never really been around him when he's like..ya know...in that mood. One day I'll find a guy who'll kiss me and ask how they did and I'll be able to say juss great w/o comparing him to others and w/o lying so I dont have a guilty conscious. So if anybody asks....Nate's a good kisser. He'd be crushed if he knew what I really thought eh? I'm such a dork. There, the second night I got kissed by Nate. The End