A TV/internet salesman showed up at my door. He said he was in the neighborhood and got my "neighbor" a better deal on internet/cable and wanted to see if he could help me "while he was in the neighborhood".

I told him I didn't have cable. He nodded and mentioned something about the younger folks are more into the internet. I told him I didn't have the internet either. This implies I dont do social media or play video games constantly. Implies I dont have an entertainment console for said video games or internet. Lots of implications. He blinked at me, confused. I'm sure in his head, "Who doesn't have internet these days? How can the younger crowd live without the internet? At least cable tv?! Something?!" But out loud he only said slowly, as if not to offend me, "So you must read books and stuff."

Yeah actually, I read books. I watch movies. I use the library. Ever heard of that? They let you borrow books AND movies. And sometimes I dont even do those two. Sometimes I paint and create things. Sometimes I cook or clean. I dont spend my life in dark rooms playing video games or watching Netflix for hours and hours. I know. I'm weird. I must be boring.

Although, I have got caught up in the Bacherlorette TV show. Last night was the finale, 3 freakin hours, and she even chose the wrong guy. Well, I'm not sure anymore. Anyway, whats the point of living vicariously through someone elses dating life if they chose the wrong guy?

She was done with Nick cuz she claimed he overanalyzed things way too much. Indeed, he did more than a girl does and after the show he definitely proved that theory right, so maybe he wasn't the right one in the end. But I was voting for Chris anyway. So either way she chose the wrong guy!

Josh is the one she picked and I find it frustrating because he was literally in her backyard the whole time, before the show. She didn't need to get on the show to find him. Getting on the show suggests she is open to new things, new people, but no, she picked the guy from her hometown, the guy that is her usual 'type' (that hadn't worked out in the past obviously cuz shes on the show), and the outward happy goofy guy. You can bet behind close doors he isn't as happy and goofy and when he has a bad day, he HAS a BAD day. And even if he is constantly happy and goofy like he is on the show, you will never get a serious convo with that man! Juss saying.

Needless to say I spent about three hours yelling at the TV last night.

At the end of the show they posted all of Andi's frowny faces she made on the show and brought out the 'constant grumpy' cat that has gotten so famous for its perma-frown. Aww. It was funny and cute. The now publicly engaged couple (now that the shows over) admitted to sneaking over to each others places (again, same home town) complete with wigs, hats, and giant sunglasses. Cute and funny.

Then I ran into the black and white Twilight Zone tv show and watched their acting skills for a moment. It was hilarious. I haven't laughed that hard in awhile. The beginning of the show total brought me back to Tower of Terror ride in CA Adventures/Disneyland. I recognize the voice and some of the pictures, they show that part just before putting you in the elevator and it flys up and drops you down.

Who needs cable when I clearly get enough entertainment from my antenna tv?

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Again, I have the weird feeling that maybe I have a different purpose in this life.

I usually think of this when I randomly start thinking about if I died young. Usually it stems from someone else dying, a birth, or talking about/seeing a Will. Since the twins bdays I have wondered if their parents have thought about a Will and what would happen to the twins. The other two boys they have already have a guardian appointed, their other birth parent, if something should happen. But these two girls don't have anybody. And you have to look at the facts, their parents are smokers, one is prolly diabetic but wont get diagnosed or treatment and the other is prolly considered overweight and both their insides are prolly going black and dying. And its not going to get any better from here.

Then recently we did a probate for a man who holographic Will. Basically wrote down what he wanted and where it should go. It was interesting and nice to see specifics of someones requests.

So here I wonder, again, I keep writing about this I think...

Maybe I'm not meant to have the 'normal' life of finding a young man to marry and have children, grow old and have grandchildren.

Maybe I'm not supposed to get married at all.

Maybe I'm supposed to marry an old man geezer, hopefully a rich one.

Maybe I'm supposed to marry a rich millionaire.

Maybe I'm not supposed to have children.

Maybe I'm supposed to marry a blind and/or handicap man.

Maybe I'm supposed to adopt/foster a child, married or single.

Maybe I'm supposed to take care of my nieces or nephews if something happens to their parents.

Maybe I'm supposed to help everyone else financially while being single.

Maybe I'm supposed to help the children (nieces and nephews) financially while being single.

Maybe I'm supposed to travel the world with no attachments.

Maybe I'm supposed to be the hermit old lady with 19 cats.

Maybe I'm supposed to die young in a freak accident and leave my money to my family.

Maybe I'm supposed to contract and die of cancer or some other disease.

Maybe I'm supposed to lose everything in order to learn to be grateful for what I have.

Maybe I'm supposed to die to save someone else.

Anyways, I feel like I have a different purpose than just the normal life of finding a husband and having children, growing old with all the normal frustrations and joys, financial issues and such of life, and having grandchildren and retiring.

And of course that is NOT acceptable to my family, esp my mother. Finding love and having children is a must for her children and there can be no happiness without it. I dont think she could handle if God told me (or her) that I have a different purpose in life.

I have no idea whats in store for me. But I'm not scared or anxious. I'm just waiting.

Who knows I could be completely wrong and life a long happy normal life with a husband and children and eventually grandchildren. I wouldn't say that scenario is my 'dream' in life, but it wouldn't be horrible. I dont know what my idea of a nice/perfect life is. I guess I'm waiting for God to tell me what He thinks my life should be like, what He knows will make me happy, and then it will become my hope and dream also.