November 4, 2008 He kissed me. At the sign of first winter snow The devil is after me. I am weak. Please God, let me do this. I'm not perfect. I'm sorry. But I...need this. Good heavens it's been so long. Just hang on Wednesday. Hang on. You can do this. ______________________________ It was breathtaking. It was beautiful. It was peaceful. It was refreshing. It was....human. It was nice to just shut the world out for a few hours. Before when something was being said to my heart, I had to...listen, think about it, slowly open up and let it in. But there, it just walked into my heart with no hesitation. I had no doubt. I didnt feel like I was convincing myself or anything silly like that. It just walked into my heart and I believed and felt it. It was powerful. I couldn't control what I felt..and I didn't want to. It was nice just to have someone else take over... over my feelings...Not have to wonder who I was, wonder if I was okay being there, wonder if I could do it, I didnt even have to wonder about my past. I didn't have to think so deeply about those subjects and the answers to my subconcious questions were...just answered...just there. Anyway, now I'm juss rambling and you have no idea what I'm talking about. You don't know what you have until you lose it. And you don't know the exquisite joy you can have unless your one of the lucky ones that get it back. Progression wouldn't happen if we didn't -need- it. Man wouldn't have discovered fire if they didn't have the need to be warm. We wouldn't progress spiritually or emotionally if we didn't have the -need- to move on. Sometimes we do things because of what we want, to make us happy, but sometimes its simply just what we need.