October 23, Friday Kiwi's Bachlorette bash. It was Aubree, me, Emily, Natalie, Amy, Lauren and of course, Kiwi. She brought her dress so we could see. Soo pritti. Looks like sparkling snow for a November wedding. We talked a lot about sex. I can't believe the little girl who used to say "ew" and run out of the room at such subjects would now be listening, anxious for the future. My little girl is all grown up! October 24th, Saturday I was told to babysit Sara from 5-9pm. Apparently that changed and I was supposed to watch her from 2-9pm. Which ment taking her to Kiwis bridal shower with half of Sara's family there that wasn't asked to babysit. Awkward. So I left quickly. But I got my baby girl like ALL day! I loved it. We went shopping cuz I CAN with that child. No fussies. No crying. I had some bday gifts and essentials to buy, so a very productive night. I'm getting a new phone! I got Kiwi two heart shaped scoop spoons and some heart shaped measuring cups. (she had a recipe themed shower) I got me mum two matching garbage cans for her kitchen and a ...paper towel rack. It's what she ...wanted. October 25th, Sunday Of all the things I planned on doing when I got up here... I have to say.. I'm kinda bored. I love eating tho. It was nice to nap and relax tho. Juss a wee bit boring. I shoulda went on a drive to see the leaves colors and taken pictures. I went to take a Redbox back and on the way home I drove past Dustins house and I smelt food, a BBQ on this cold night. So I turned around and followed him into the house with a plate of steaks. Mmm. I pulled up a seat at his table and ate his steak. Sarah's brother Billy is kinda creepy, super nice to me, but eyes me all the time like he could eat me. o.O It was nice hangin with the bro...seeing the bro period. They watched Transformers after dinner and had popcorn. I played with the stupid ornery lil' cat. Cute tho with a laser, jumping on walls an' stuff. October 26th, Monday Kicked me Mum off my bank accounts so she'd stop stealing my money. Went to the dentist to find yet another cavity. Story of my life. They lie if they ever tell me I have a good check up. "You have nice teeth"... "Thanks...they're all fake". So I need another crown/cap which is another $400. Ugh. And they told me my gums all swelling up and scare me about diseases and gum cancer. My mouth is like 50 yr old or worse, so they talk to me like that. Will my mouth ever be okay?! Don't I have ALL fake teeth yet? Why didn't I just get dentures?? Which one is cheaper? Angrified. Went to purchase a phone. Super excited. No more flipping. Got an LG Glance. Another basic, cheap phone. $70 bucks, with a $50 rebate, so basically $20. Got all my contacts uploaded to the new phone. Stuck with the family plan cuz it's cheaper. Had a nice awkward convo with Caleb (Dallins friend) while he was talkin to his fiance Becca. Went to the Motor Vehicle office at the Cache County building to see if anything was wrong with my vin number and license so I can register my car. Learned it costs $126 to register it... "Want to come back and register it when you have more money?" Do I look poor? Or just young and poor? Nothing seems to be wrong with my vin by the way. I blame Jiffy for siking me out; must've put it in wrong. Dropped off Sara's carseat that I accidently stole. (its not like they have a car...) Called and ordered a pizza using my nifty navigator device on my phone. :D Snarfed pizza in the parking lot and ran home for family pictures. Blue jeans and Blue shirts. We were all dark/navy blue and Loryn was....like turquiose. bah hah! She's the odd one out, and she's the one that wanted to be 'included' in the family pic. It was awkward cuz in the pictures we'd all group up in 'families' Mindys family on that side of ma and pa, Dustins (with Sarah, hayden and scott) on the other side and Dallins group in a filler spot...and then...me. " and You...uh...somewhere on the groud up front..I guess" I felt like I didn't belong. Kept saying I was the adjustable/flexibile one that could move anywhere in the pic (and not be noticed...) That didn't help. Will I always be the odd one out? Do other babies of the families feel this way? We witnessed the photographer (Brad Peterson? short dude who did my graduation pictures) produce farm noises for the attention of the children... o.O Came home and milled around while Loryn made her infamous Alfredo Shrimp. Spicy. Cajun. We all shoved in the little kitchen which has counter tops, cabinets, and a sink now. Dustin cooked up some more steaks, Loryn and her noodles, and Dustins cake. Lots of food. Yum yum. I might puke tho... Ate too much. Everyone trickled out eventually... Mindy and her screaming children. Dustin and them went to the pumpkin walk. But I refused to go home and sat at the table and played with my new phone and had a chat with Dal, Loryn and the parentals. Why didn't I want to leave so bad? I didn't want to go back to the boring job. I didn't want to go back to the city with no color (leaves). I didn't want to go back to responsibility and no social life. All of that is my fault by the way. But I didn't want to go back to what I chose. I blame hormones for this refusal to go 'home'. James called while I drove home. I was desparate to use my new phone. He wanted to watch a movie, but I was in the canyon... and it was late. He is crazy. He only has one job now so more time to harass me into doing things with him. And I really really wanted to. I want company, just as bad as he does. I feel like I'm damaging my pride or something in some way everytime I want to admit I'm lonely. I just.... want to be with someone....but I can't damn the consequences anymore with him. It's not worth it. Wow a big ol' monologe of my weekend.