Life as I know it   Just got done with my CIL test here in class, and she said we could go and it's like a 1/2 hour before class gets out. There's nothing to do so here I am. I'll go a lil' early to go find my boy toy. The CIL test was on Excel. *glares* Do you know how much I HATE Excel?! With a passion!! Die Evil Monkey of Doom! Die! Cassie Hooper/Grumpy/my acting partner ish coming over to my house today I believe so we can make up a lil' dance routine for our part. Oh, didn't I tell you? I'm going to be in this years Melodrama they hold out in Richmond for Black and White Days! Lisa Lacy said she would do it, but then she changed her mind, so she called me and asked me to be her replacement. So here I am with Cassie, going to unknown places to practice unknown lines. :D This is kinda fun. So my acting career moves onward! Performances are May 20, 21 and 23. Woo woo! I have something to do everynight for the next week er so! Yay for random acting! But yeah, we gotta come up with a lil' dance thingy b/c all we do is stay on stage doing some ...movement for like 15 minutes, so we have to occupy ourselves with interesting/funny things to do. I miss Ashley Suzanne Gorrell! Or Ms. G...as some know her (however you spell her last name, even tho it's changed now!). My period was supposed to come by now! And it's not and I can TOTALLY tell it wants to come too! It better come b/c I don't want to have these feelings all month long as if I was on my period juss for an extended time! ggrrrr... Maybe that'll help Derek understand a lot of things if I told him...hmmm... I change my mind like every 10 minutes, I'm eating junk food like no other, and I also eat things I don't even like! I'm like a pig and only gained like one pound. Sheesh...I'm still at like 110lbs. Nobody really ever wishes for their period to come. But here I am. Wishing, hoping, praying. Come and go. Get it over with. I have homework to do tonight. Lots. I think, enuff to occupy me until Cassie comes over and then I can eat and watch TV the rest of the night. mmmm relaxing... hehe I'm gonna go find my boy toy now. He'll take me home and I'll pig out on food. Do homework...talk to my old neighbor.... Play and laugh with Cassie as we try to dance... Watch ER while eating sherbet...mmmm Please Autti Flow come.... _______________________________________________ Okay, so the stupid cow (Ryker) told Derek about all my period stuff and the problem being that I'm -not- on it. I didn't think he'd hafta know unless I was actually on it, but nooo, not that it's any of Dereks business anyway. Ryker did kinda have a point about Derek prolly 'needing' to know because he was thinking my actions were because of a different reason (breaking up) and I didn't want him to think everything is solved juss b/c I'm ..not on my period...b/c I'm still thinkin' about it. But thanks you Ryker, Derek thinks all is well I'm juss a crazy person that doesn't mean anything she says. I knew as soon as Derek found out why I was acting weird he'd treat me differently. Like "don't talk to the crazy lady she might explode on you" which is what I did after he started treating me like a lil' kid, giving me that affectionate look and being totally silent. "You're being silent" "Yup." "You know I hate it when guys are silent" "Yup" From then on silence....grrrrr....When I express my feelings on something, usually, shouldn't something, oh I dunno, CHANGE! I knew by the way he was saying "Yup" it was one of those "You betcha" things where you can't pay him enuff to keep silent. So then I had a lil' tizzy fit and 'exploded'. Yes, mad cow disease or something. I refused to let him touch me. I opened the door and got out before he could like really park and turn off the car. I was going into the house and he comes and stops me (that would never happen if he wasn't 'treating me different'). He gave me the letter I'm sending to me bro. He sat there and held me. I stood there kinda bored like waiting for him to leave. I tried to explain I didnt want to be treated differently juss b/c he found out why I'm so weird. But he's a boy and he didn't get it. Then I felt absolutely stupid b/c of the way I was acting. He was juss waiting for something like that to happen. Originally he woulda thought it was b/c I don't love him anymore, but now he can blame it on my period which is not necessarily a good thing nor true. But I don't want to blame everything on my period b/c you know, I'm still capable of making rational decisions. I juss don't know if my doubting this whole relationship thingy is part of my raging hormones or if I really mean it, so I think I'll wait until I'm normal again. Til then Derek will continue to be silent and speak 'gently' to me until he thinks I'm normal again. Grrrr.... I'm so mad at Ryker. I'm so mad at Derek b/c he juss doesn't get it and treats me like I'm handicap now. I'm so mad at myself for doubting my capabilities to make decisions and for the way I'm over reacting over stupid things. I know it's one of those times when you go around and say "Everyone is acting so darn weird!" and then it turns out that it's only you that's being weird. Yeah, I know. I'm weird, but I still have rational thoughts and feelings okay? Not like I'm totally insane and don't mean -everything- I say. Sheesh. CURSE THESE EMOTIONS!!! On a happier note. Cassie came over today and we talked and laughed all night. I got to interview my 'old person' (86yrs) and got my WWII assignment done. My resa called me and told me she was in Austrailia! And returning on June 11th? Weeeee! excitment! I shall wear my sexy jeans and my lil' frilly white shirt morrow prolly with my red ribbon. After school we shall find costumes for the Mellowdrama. Then afterwards...home and playing...until around 6:30 or 7 and Cassie and I will go out to the 'run threw the whole show' rehearsal! Weeee fun stuff! Then home...and doing nothing...sleeping... And THEN it's going to be Health Days! And the parade! And I'll wear my sexy red shirt with sexy pants! haha Wwwwwwweeeeeee! My fun shall come in waves! I'm still angry my stupid emotions and they better not last all month long. I shall kill something. Die Evil Monkey of Doom. Die.