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Feeling: detached
One of the highlights of my day was leaving a message on Jordans phone the other night and his reaction this afternoon. My message: "I want you I need you Oh baby Oh baabby" He texts me "lol lol lol" (cuz all he does is laugh in texts) "You can't give me messages like that and I put it on speaker phone!" Apparently, he just -had- to put it on speaker phone to check his messages and I guess people he works with heard it. Hilarious. Ya, he was totally turned on and slightly embarrassed. I can even embarrass by miles away. I'm good. I got off the elevator and read a sign "Attention to those who are planning on attending Fall semester you must get another endorsement before April 1". My heart dropped to my stomach. I couldn't think right the rest of the day. I managed to stay in my first class and do..nothing. I went thru half my other class before I left bawling. I ended up in the bathroom stall using a roll of TP. Come to think of it, I don't think I've had a good day since like Saturday. Meanwhile, I was texted Art and he offered to come save me. In the year that I've been here, I've never been saved from my immediate situation so quickly.... It was awesome. Yay for friends that are really there when you need them. The other highlight of my day. We went to IHOP. I actually ate. I couldn't sit thru class b/c of anxiety, but I could eat? Whatev. I just wanted to talk, to express my anxiety outloud. So I poured it all out on him. Felt better. Then we went down to the Fashion Place mall. I don't think I've ever been there before. But now I can say I have. Art found the musicial "Newsies" for me. I want I want. Need money. By then I had stopped crying and was laughing at Jordans reponse and talkin' with Art. We talked about sexual inneundos and stuff... some of this stuff, we shouldn't know. He gave his opinion on a lot ...of awkward things, and I don't know why he told me that stuff..but okay. A lil' awkward. He texted Natalie and I texted Jordan the whole time. He took me back to work around 1:30pm. Ralph didn't even know I didn't show up until I came in and said sorry. He gave me that look like "yer in trouble" but he had no idea. Power trip. Anyway, another pile of files on my desk. Sigh. And a Garnishment. I wanted to cry at that project. I hate garnishments and especially when I have to re-create the new upgraded form cuz they don't give us a copy. Ugh a bug. Didn't feel like smiling. Didn't have energy. Attempted to keep my eyes open. So tired. When I blinked it was like those pro-longed blinks. Came home and swung on the swings at the park. Ate some soup with Renee and Grandma. Then I laid on my bed and my body felt like I just ran a mile. My legs ached. Levi called me and we joked around about girlfriends. He kept hinting at me being his girlfriend. Oy. One day he'll be brave and stop beating around the bush, and then I'll have to squish him. We talked for like two and a half hours. Wowers. Watched "American Idol" and "Moment of Truth" while talking or...listening to him. I crashed around 10pm and woke up at 2am b/c my legs were killing me. I managed to get downstairs and take some pills and put my old lady patches on my calfs and went back to bed. It soothed the pain enough to sleep anyway. Why do they hurt so bad? I didn't do anything, no excerise in like two years I promise!
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