The Day of Doubt I realize if I start this entry I'll hafta stop and go eat in the middle of it. But oh well, here goes yet another 'novel'. I tried to wake up before noon today. I woke up at 10....went back to sleep until 10:30 finally sat up in bed until like 11 and listened to music. I can wake up before noon, but I can't do anything productive. Yesterday I didn't get up until like 1 in the afternoon. After that I took a shower, Ryker called me, I ate breakfast (mmm eggs and toast). I called Ryker back he says, "Do you wanna do ...something.....um..later..tonight with us?" I told him to call me back when he figgered out what "something" was and when this something was going to happen. Silly boy. Then I started my cleaning rampage b/c me Mutti has decided to hate me b/c I don't clean. I cleaned the downstairs, the bathroom, I did like 1/4 of the laundry, basically cleaned the front room and didn't even try to touch the kitchen. So I basically cleaned the whole house cept the kitchen. I hope that made her happy. Pff, mothers. Well, in the middle of my cleaning I got a strange call (babysitting) from people I didn't even know. I rejected them the first time b/c I had stuff with friends planned. I called her back to see if she had gotten anyone, she said no so I finally agreed to do it. As much as I like helping perfectly strangers out ..... She's like "Jon will come get you in a minute okay?" So like 20 minutes later...a lady shows up in a van. I go out and get in the van and look behind me and find like 3 kids of all ages, shapes and sizes and then an old grandpa lookin' guy with like teeth missing. I turn around and look out the front window and ask myself why I said yes to such strangers. Then I wondered where we were going. They seemed fine leaving their child Evan with a perfect stranger. I was juss a name on a babysitting list they got from someone. Everything they said about this child was negative. "He's a monster. He'll drive you crazy. Call us if you can't handle him anymore. I understand if you don't want to put up with him after this. I hope he's not naughty like he usually is." From the impression I got, I thought this kid was the devil merely b/c he was raised like one. Came to pass that this child was a normal 4 year old child. Gets the bright idea of destroying things, that's normal. Pushing buttons, screaming, running, playing. Normal 4 year old behaviors. He was no hellion at all! Sometimes he didn't mind me (that's normal too) but that's what his room ish for. It won't hurt the child to be put in his room. When they came home they said he had ADHD and this huge problem with hyperness and stuff and it was his first time being with a babysitter. I don't know what they're talkin' about but he was an angel-almost compared to Scott. They're so much alike it was funny. They asked if I was ever willing to come back. I said shure and she screams throughout the house, "We've got a babysitter!" like it was a miracle. She's all "You have to be honest, was he good or naughty like usual?" I said he was good, an angel compared to some I've babysat. She didn't believe and went on about how her and her husband can't even watch him. Hmmm I wonder why.... The only thing I noticed was when he was put in his room he juss screamed swear words (like his parents do I assume). So I heard "dammit" and "shit" all night long. Other than that the child said "sorry" over and over again. I got 12 bucks for 3 1/2 hours. *shrugs* It's a start. Afterwards, I went to call Rykers house to see where they ended up watching a movie, but as soon as I picked up the phone Natalie was calling me. So I went over there and watched Ghost Stories. I was laughing so hard that night b/c Megan was making those fat jokes about herself again. Then I was reading the Georgia books..."Knocked out by my Nunga Nungas" and so I kept laughing until like 11. Emily got worried/annoyed with my laughing and told me to go home and go to bed. So I got up and got my coat and stuff and said bye to Natalie and Ryker. I went outside and started down the sidewalk. Natalie forgot I didn't have a car so Ryker kindly (I'm going to kill him) reminded her so she storms around the block to catch up to me. Calls me names like "lil' brat" and stuff and drops me off at home. I was still laughing. I swear I had like laughing gas on... Then she said a phone number outloud and announced, "that'll be the number to my new home as of 3 o'clock tomorrow" and mumbled a non-emtional "love ya, bye" and left. I was confused. She's driving me insane. First for a whole week it was, "I'm going to Grace Idaho and won't be back for like 2 months." Then Thursday it was a "I don't know if I'm going to go" Friday it was a "I'm not going" By Saturday night, apparently, it was a "I'm going away again!" I got up and called her this morning b/c I laid in bed thinking about her and where she was going for like ever... I had to call her to see where/when she was going. She said she was going to Cove. "I'm going to Cove...remember? Didn't I tell you?" *rolls her eyes* NO, YOU DID NOT TELL ME. So she tells me her friend said she could live with her out in Cove...(instead of taking my offer and living with me) pff...so yeah, she's going to Cove I guess. But when I talked to her she was still 'deciding'. I asked her what she was doing the rest of the day. She basically said "hanging out with the two boys (nate and ryker)" yeah okay, love ya too. She hung out with them and Megan yesterday and not me. So, I hope she has fun moving away and has fun with the two boys. She said she'd call me. HA! I give up on her. I've had it. I don't want to be part of her life anymore. She can't make up her mind and put me on a emotional roller coaster with anxiety attack day after day for no reason at all apparently. Not that she'd care. I want to curl up in a ball and cry. I want out of this 'group' of 5 that we have. I just want to cry now. Not only can she not make up her mind, but while I was babysitting I found out that Kirri was calling me b/c she was hanging out with Derek and I wanted to do that all week! So I'm really sad, disappointed and irritated b/c I didn't get to hang out with him. :( I don't know when I'll be able to do that again. Did I tell you my relationship with my Vati ish getting better? Yes, in fact Vati was told by the Stake President, since Vati's the Stake Secretary, to sit on the front row at Stake Conference next Sunday. He has to be there up front, directly in front of the Pres and like a half an hour early. Vati of course can do that and was willing until the Pres added he had to have his family there too. Dustin and Scott doesn't go to church and Mutti has to work that day. So that leaves me as Vati's family. Vati sighs and groans, "See, now I can be there on time and sit there, but I hafta bring my family?!" Keeping in mind his 'family' is just one person. So now Vati doesn't even wanna show up b/c he hasta bring me. He loves me...deep deep down there. He even said all this stuff bluntly to Mutti and I! He bluntly said he didn't wanna go b/c he had to bring me. *sighs* I told him he could pretend he didn't have a family and I'd sit somewhere else. He's mostly worried about being there on time. It doesn't start until 1 in the afternoon! Of course I'll be ready! sheesh...Yeah, he loves me... Annddd..my brother sent a letter and we got it like on Friday and he's like really sad and depressed b/c he thinks we've abandoned him. He didn't get a letter from us for about a week and a half. But I hope he's doing better b/c it's been a few days since he's sent it and he should've gotten our letters by now too. So now I hafta write him another letter so Mutti can send it. I'm sending a random pic of the cat for my amusement tho. And I still don't know what to do about the boys situation! I had like major aniexty attack with Derek the last time we were hanging out, mainly b/c of Kirris cuzin (talkative girl she ish). Natalies still around so their still together and everything but he still flirts with me. And then there's Nate that gets jealous but won't do anything. Stupid cows. I'm running away. I'm going to Vegas. The last 3 days of the tri. I think I won't even tell anyone either. Leaving stress of school, stress of boys, stress of Natalie. I'm gone! Wanna curl up in ball and cry b/c of stress. I think I'll go to Kirri's and cry myself to sleep. I still wanna see Derek this weekend. I don't know what to do with no school morrow.