blood. gore. zombies. vampires. ghouls. shadows lurking in closets. dead men seeing me. ghosts. bones. chains. deep dark corners of castles ill never know. and this is what i dream about the nights i actually sleep. i enjoy it all usually. but. not when it invades my sleep. not when it causes me to toss and turn and toss and turn and toss and turn. and. give up. and. wake up. my dreams are like tiny trips on LSD or ACID. all of the really awesome drugs i havent had a chance of using yet. KEY WORD ENTER: yet. i never promised. to give up drugs. just the drinking. because. drinking and i. although old dear friends. do not and should not be mixed. ever. ask anyone who knows me. well enough. or. has experienced those fine moments with me at least once. and. in some cases. only once. im learning to live without drinking. and. i cant say i enjoy it thus far. but. i cant complain. considering. where id be if i were on my own and on the street. ive tried calling him. and. her. and a few others and im not sure why. i wont again i suppose. a moment of weakness. it gets lonely being me right now. im not used to being all alone. well. minus the girls at the house. being without people to entertain. or use with. or make excuses with. or whatever. i grew accustomed to having people usually around usually all of the time in one way or another. i wont call again. im sure no one wants to talk to me anyway. EXCUSE THE SELF PITY. but. im sure its partly true. the amanda that people used to know. or have met. i simply want to make her go away again. time for reinvention. and thats my plan. or. AS CLOSE AS I CAN GET TO HAVING A PLAN.