I am bored. with this life. of mine. 22 years. and nothing to show. for it all. Graduating highschool. and soon college. But nothing. important. not really. I've decided that. the problem with my life. is that i do nothing. nothing. I have no outside activities. or interests. I want to do so much. in my life. yet. i do nothing. I sit. and watch the tellie. and dream of grand things. I'm a dreamer. a seducer of thought. A simple waste of space. exactly. I want adventure. and carelessness. I crave wildness. and restlessness. I yearn for change. for something new. I want so much. and do so little. I don't know how to get motivated. I don't know how to go about this changing process. All I do know is. that. it's all getting so old. and tired. Get drunk. Get high. Days come. And go by. I'm growing tired of this life. of everything. The same old same old same old same. On and on like an endless game. I'm unhappy because I have nothing to make me happy. I don't want money. not really. I don't want fame. I don't want riches. I don't want a mansion. I don't want fans. or recognition. I just want some thing else. Some thing so far away. I'm rambling. i know. i know. But this is all I have. venting. and typing. My days are so routine. so normal. so very boring. and everlasting. Weed no longer thrills me. Drinking only ills me. I'm fighting the urge. the urge to go. to leave. To simply pack a bag and head out into the world I hate so much. The world I want to taste. to hold. to feel. I need to breathe and the air here is stale. It's all so familiar. known. old. I can't let the word old go. or rest. Because that's the truth. life here is old. I want to know new people. I want to see new things. I want to feel new feelings. Some place else. some where farther away. I want to sit down and explain it to someone. My sadness here. my restless feelings. I want to explain. but i can't. SEB wouldn't understand. her heart beats a different way. Dani would only be envious. and find some amusement in my pain. M just wouldn't want to hear it. she wouldn't understand me wanting to go, now. PRD doesn't and wouldn't care. K isn't around. And I have no one else. actually. i have no one at all. No one who really gets me. knows me. sees beneath all the lies and smiles. It isn't easy being alone. feeling so lonely. It isn't easy at all. trying to be happy. feeling happy for a small time. And then being lost again. Slowly falling down into some pit of despair. I'm lacking nothing materialistically. I'm lacking nothing food wise. Or shelter. I'm lacking something deep down inside. my heart beats a little slower now. A little less thrilled. for life. A lot more tired. Sleepy. if you will. What's the use? The point? There isn't one to anything. When it all comes down to it, it's all useless words and letters. Cramped onto a website. I just feel so down. and out. and sad. I hate these times. this moment. right now. I hate when my heart feels hollow. And numb. And cold. I'm just so tired, I believe. "A stranger to yourself." DFN.