pass it over and under and watch the world silenced in thunder. i am full of a lot today. its been such a busy hot may. and. i like it that way. you can only rely on yourself when in a tough situation. trying to trust anyone else is a genetic mutation. because. in the end they will all let you down. danielle is in trouble. but. not even i can help her now. and. maybe if i could i would. but. probably not. because. we are in this all alone. and. you can only save you. and. this is what ive learned from losing a mother and a dog and a car and a house and now my beatupass trailer out in the middle of hell. where. and. in that place i had to piss in a bucket. because i had no pipes. where i nearly froze to death. because i had no heat. and. where i went thirsty. because there was no water. you realize how low you are when bathing is a treat after 5 to 6 to 10 days. and. i was there. in that pit of human hell. alone. i lived on sunbelt granola bars and cheese sticks. because. i had no money for anything else. let alone food. that fucking piss hole where i spent night and night alone wishing for him to come around and show me how to deal drugs. but. he never came. and. didnt care. and. the others did what they could. but. they couldnt do enough. and. i dont blame them. because. like i said we are all in this alone. and we die alone. as we are born alone. cold with no one to come along with us. you either sink or swim. and. i know i made a milliontrillion mistakes. i know this one thing for sure. but. i survived. i went home to that metal box day in and day out and took care of taz and loca until i could no longer. and. eventually i got a job and worked a bit harder so id have enough money to run away. and. they never thought id leave. and. i never thought i would either. but. i did. and have. and feel better about it now. because. i did build some of my character back. i paid off some of my sinful debt by wanting and needing and barely having enough. and. now it all means less to me then ever before. give me 10 dollars to survive on for a month and lord knows i will if i have too. ill still get a bit drunk and high. but. ill make it last. as. long. as. i. have. before. and. i am not scared of not having anything. because. i have had everything and it taken away from me. and lost all i ever had in the world to count. i am happy here. and. do not see myself returning for quite a long time. unless absolutely necessary. but. im not needed there. so returning ever is unlikely. protect the ones i love fucker. or may you burn in hell with your abandoned son.