That's all I need, something different. (By the way) I'm no longer hiding. Cher, Rhon, and Fan, didn't stay too long last night. They visited with M and shared the latest gossip. (Day Terrors) I am going straight today. I am cleaning up my act. I am going to focus from now on. I swear. (Fingers crossed) Maybe I can do it if I just stay away from the people who feed my need. Stay away from those who don't know the word NO. Maybe. I had a weird dream last night. Most of the details allude me today, but I do know that I was in a run down trailor. I don't know why I was there, but I was. I'm no good at finding symbolism. Well not anymore. Before I could fill my head with bullshit and believe everything was a SIGN. Maybe there are no signs. Maybe that's my problem. I look too deep into everything. I analyze situations until I drive myself mad. RIDICULOUS. That's my new favorite word to describe my life and everything that happens. It's all in one way or another ridiculous. (Pause) Classes start soon. I'm happy I guess. Happy to get away and start doing something more with my time. Learning, how nice. I missed pretending to pay attention to professors. I wonder what SEB's been up too. She called last night. I attempted to call her back, but unfortunately her phone line was busy for an extended period of time. (Translation: I got sick of trying so I stopped) It would be nice to visit her again. Hang out normally without any temptation. I don't think I'll make it through tonight without anything. My mind's already wandering towards alcohol. Damn me. Damn my mind. Damn my addictions. I'm trying to hold on and not give Wen a call. I know the routine if I do call her. She'll say she's bored and I should come over. I won't be able to resist because I know what will follow. (Holds breath) Some people are so lucky. Those that can just function normally. Without so many problems. I wish I was normal. Normal and boring and all right for once. (Wishes hard) Hm..maybe someday. Done for now.