If all things go as planned. It will be Blue Drink heaven tonight. Alcohol helps the aching mind. And eases the suffering heart. Not worried about much. Won't get too drunk tonight. Can't keep that up. Spoke to my suicide last night. The person I care about. Who everyone is afraid to ask. About her feelings. Her stresses. We chatted shortly. I discussed us getting together to hang out. She sounded excited and pleased. I hope maybe this is the right thing. I figure it is. We all need someone to talk to. Life's little games just might make me insane. Dani hasn't called. She could be dead. I'm sure she's alive. But it's all in the meaning. Is it so hard to pick up a phone? W hasn't called me in a long time. She may be mad also. B keeps on being jobless. She keeps on working. Supporting her horrible man. I'm sure she's angry at me over something. Oh well. One must go forth and live their own life. I feel kind of happy today. Still kind of nervous. It's as though something inevitable is about to occur. Maybe it's the air making me so nervous. The staleness of it. Dryness. The gray smell of the approaching summer. I don't know. I do know that I need to do laundry today. I can't wear dirty clothes out. Well I could, but they sort of smell so. I have honestly given up on K. I won't bother him again. Nor think about him. Or the other one. Not again. I'm happier this way. Besides I figure it won't be long before I'll have my own following. Eventually. Time to shower. Done for now.