I want a lot of useless things in my life. I want happiness. I want smiles and laughs. I want good people to always be close to me. I want to give and get. I want to live and help live. I want to be genuinely happy and relaxed. I want to write. I want to draw. I want to make a difference. I want to give you the world. I want to give everyone peace on earth. I want to stop the tears and screams. I want to further their goals and dreams. I want the deepest love. I want the truest soul. I want to be perfect. I want to be whole. Is all that too much to ask for? I guess so. I don't know what else to feel and I don't know how else to deal with this pain. Drinking and smoking have become my leaning posts. I'll fall over if I walk too far away. I'll fall for sure. The edge is closer every time I look. One of these days I will fall. No one will be there to catch me. No one. I am in a depressing mood right now because I am thinking about the people I didn't want to think about. I am a loser. I am an ugly desperate loser. I am going to die alone some day. I'm going to end up living in some run down shack in the ghetto raising 98 cats on dehydriated milk. My life sucks. No. Wait, I suck. Done.