My life clearly sucks. I am sitting here waiting for some loser from one of my classes to get online. I've been waiting to chat to him since he gave me his IM name. Damn me for being such a pathetic loser. I seriously need to get out of this shitty mood. I am going down and down, more and more. I don't like feeling like this. Down. Sad. Pathetic. What is it that I am lacking? Why is it no one loves me? Am I so horrible? Am I so ugly? I guess I am. I hate these moments of low self esteem. I feel like I'm 12 again. But at 12 I think I had higher self esteem than I do now, well I don't know. I feel like a little ugly kid. Maybe I am a lesbian and I'm just in really deep denial about it. Everyone else seems to think I'm a lesbo. UGH! I hate when I get in these moods. I feel overly dramatic and horrendously pitiful. I guess I just don't understand what it is that I am missing. It can't always be the other person. Something is wrong with me. Yes, I spend too much time analyzing life. I don't spend enough time living. I need to change. I am done for now.