yesterday seemed alright. then i got drunk the night. and forgot. and forgot. and what not. today i hope goes just as well. more heaven. and less of hell. the 13th. 13. 1. 3. one of my favorite times. for one reason or another. i guess a part of me. is. inclined to enjoy the darker. side. of things. halloween is my favorite. favorite. witching. or. something. id like to have more friends here. i hope i meet more people. maybe. "laid back cool east coast attitude" everyone says something different here. im better because im from out of town. apparently. or worse. according to some. i dont think i should drink anymore after work. maybe. not so much anyway. why do i constantly feel guilty? why? im not even sure what i feel guilty about. i dont know why i should feel so bad. all of the time. it bothers me to feel so shameful all of the time. especially. if i havent done anything horrible lately. i really miss joe. and i wish i didnt. and i dont even know why i do. im glad he doesnt read me. because. then hed know too much. and probably make jokes. as usual. think it was ridiculous. as usual. probably make mental notes. criticizing. laughing. or something. along his lines. because. thats just how it is. here. i. can. be. some. thing. different. here. i. can. be. me. maybe? hopefully. i hope today goes. good.