Lately I've been battling a crush. A really hard and unreasonable crush. Now I am fine. Today I won. I defeated myself. If that makes sense. Anyways, we talked like normal people talk. We joked around and laughed and it felt good. No pressure. No pressure at all. It was nice. I seen K today roaming out in the hallway in front of my class. I kind of wanted to talk to him, but by the time I got out he was already gone doing something else. I am not involved or particulary attached to K. I guess I just like talking to people who pay attention to me and don't mind sharing a laugh or insult. SEB has been seeing and talking to him a lot. That's not my problem. I'm not jealous over K, I'm merely jealous of SEB's interesting life. It sounds lame I know. And eventually I will get over this too. It all takes time. I feel things changing. Like someone feels a cold breeze in the middle of the night, I can feel the change in the air. Small, but there. Everything is changing. Shifting. Everything matters. Nothing really matters at all. I won't wait for K to call or talk to me again. I won't wait, because I know by now that waiting is useless. K belongs to SEB for now. Let them enjoy each other and leave me out of it. I need to leave this diary alone for awhile and turn my attention to my written journal. It's been months since I've written anything. By hand. The old fashioned way. I wanted to get high tonight. Loaded. Lit. Anything. I don't know how I feel right now. Confused. Lonely. Happy. Sad. Angry. Jealous. Bitter. Eager. A million things at once like always. Emotions come and go like water passing through a drain pipe. I will be renewed. I will be fine. I will be happy. I will be ready for my fate. I am done for now.