It's hard to fight off this feeling. I dream of abandoning the whole life I have set up here. Just get in the closest car and drive far, far away. I want that. I'm feeling restless lately. Wild. My hearts beats wildly every time I think about leaving. I'll do it one of these days. Pack a small bag. Sneak out while M's asleep. Get in the car. And drive. Never looking back. Nothing after that ever again. No phone calls to anyone. No letters. No secret messages. I'd be dead to them. Disappear. Gone. Vanish. In the blink of an eye. I want to do that so bad. I always have. I've just wanted to leave. Runaway. I don't like anyone today. I don't feel like liking anyone. I've got the cramps. And I'm finally putting P away for good. No more wishes for him. Or memories. Fuck'em. Fuck everything today. Fuck the sky. The trees. The sun. And the damn bees. I'm going back to bed. Done for now.