I feel horrible today. We fought yesterday. She was scared of me. I was scared of her. I always am. I feel so worthless today. So sad. I thought I'd feel better after last night. But I don't. I don't think I'll ever feel happy. I'm a horrible person. I'm mean. Nasty. Spoiled. Lazy. Rude. Insulting. I have a grotesque personality. It hurts to realize these things about yourself. It hurts so much. I want to cry right now. Just cry and cry. I didn't talk to K today. I haven't stopped and talked to him for a few days now. He'll probably sum it all up to mean it's all about SEB and him. It's not. I've just realized that I'm getting kind of tired of paying attention to people who could careless about me. Basically I have no one. I've lost it all. I'm so sad. So sad. Maybe I should just leave. Wander off alone into the wild world. Get eaten by savages and the like. My fate is bad. My karma is bad. My soul right now feels so desperate and so low. I'm just sorry. Sorry for it all. I wish I could change everything. Bring John back. Get along with my family. Take away all her worries. Take back every hurtful thing I've said. Be less of a mental case. Be more normal. I just wish so bad. It hurts.