"Aww...what does one do when their heart no longer belongs to them?" [tell me please?] Well a nice day has come and GONE. Across the stealy DAWN. Guess who my eyes beheld today? My lovely PRD. O. Burning crush deep inside. Why must you make me ache? It isn't fair I SAY. That I should feel like this another DAY. He came in early. Nearly a quarter past 8 in the a.m. I was surprised to say the LEAST. That I should see that beautiful BEAST. He had on a suite. And bought a cheap little TIE. He looked nice. and sweet. and sitting here now I want to CRY. I don't like when my heart does not belong to ME. I do not want to like this character PRD. He's corrupting my HEART. Tearing me APART. The more I try to clear my MIND. The more wonder in him I FIND. If only he really felt the SAME. Maybe I wouldn't feel so pathetic and LAME. It isn't fair I KNOW. That I should think about him SO. So moving on my loves. I don't know where to stand on this issue. I don't know what to hope for. Or what to let go of. It isn't lust or passion or even love. Just this deep, infesting, pulsating CRUSH. Turning my already brittle heart to MUSH. O. Let me refrain from this rhyming scheme. These words aren't even close to what I truly MEAN. I just don't get it. The less I think about him. the more FATE has to throw him in my face. It's my own fault. feeling this way. Wanting him. Needing him. Practically begging the GODS for him. I just have to know that he's no different from the rest. And he too, will eventually fade away. to the back corner of my mind. Hidden. Neglected. Forgotten. And despised. This is how I am. I just have to hold on and hold steady until it all falls into place. I can't keep my mind on him because it hurts. I'm not used to liking someone so much. Missing them when I don't see them. Yearning. O. Dear LORD. Not yearning. Nothing cheesy like that. I just want to be close to someone. And it would be nice if that someone was PRD. "Is that your boyfriend?" -"No, he's someone else's boyfriend." "Well, he sure likes talking to you." -"Unfortunately, I know." O. I rue this day. And all the others before and afterWARDS. It is nothing from nothing that will lead to more NOTHING. Falling this hard is my own fault. It's hard dealing with a one-SIDED crush. It's hard letting go. when this is the only thing keeping me going. Feeling alive. Feeling good. And happy. And SMILE-LY. O. Damn you PRD. and your damn ways. and your damn charm. and your damn BLUE eyes. Damn you all together. I will no longer wait. Or hesistate. I give in and give up. It's the only thing I'm good at. So on a side note: Worked sucked. I hate it. like before. I'm still not sure I should quit. Yet??? I don't know. We'll see. Maybe I'll go tomorrow. maybe I won't. "All good things happen when we least expect them." So who the fuck knows. I sure as hell don't. And maybe I don't care to know. or find out. I think right now I'll go and eat my HOT CHEESE flavored popcorn and a sammich. So BITE IT! "There is nothing worse than feeling what no one else feels." DFN.