things come and go so fast most of the time that i rarely get the full picture. not really. okay so it hasnt exactly been 5 days completely sober. but its been hella fucking close to it. closer then ive been in a long time. and dont worry. i am not off on some crazy fucking binge just because i think yet again i can handle it now. right now. im merely relaxing. no more beer though i cannot afford to try this route again. i have things i need to pay attention too and start doing. like living. for an example only. i remember being younger and being happier because everyfuckingthing was so much easier. then it is now. woke up. ate some cereal. watched cartoons. got dressed. went out side and played until dusk. came in. ate dinner. watched tv. went to sleep. after my nice hot bath anyways. i miss those days. of nothing. of just being there and being catered too. and hugged when needed. and loved constantly and consistently. now its completely different. but im earning a bit of it back. looking at my life now. im 26 and live like some fucked up teenager. i have a bedroom. small chores im expected to do. limited bills ill actually consider paying. all the others i ignore. and then. sleep. work. sleep. get fucked up. sleep. eat. sleep. shit. eat. move. wake. sleep. get high. get high. drink. binge. sleep. on and on. my life is a series of actions with no real reaction. im trying though. im attempting this reality thing. which reminds. me. i need to pick up ice cream. dont ask. and i will never ever ever tell. i think im going to write some more somewhere else right now. word.