if it was like nightcourt. bigc better watch her step. or she/ll find herself alone. unknown. tonight. earlier. i found 20$ and i kept it. from a kid or some adult i dont know. but i kept it inspite of my better nature. and the guilt is heavy. but bigc pissed me off. and im beginning to hate that job all over the place. what do i care. i came here a punk without a chance and now im a punk settled. and relaxed. fuck it. ill move on. ill go on back home for a moment. and come on back in a flash. im not afraid. but im afraid of not caring. and it doesnt make sense. because. i dont make sense. i make cents. change. a pile of hopeless nickels. fuck this shit. fuck the being real shit. or an adult shit. maybe i jus cant keep up. maybe i jus dont wanna. keep up. maybe its better this way. im a leader in a crowd of followers. not in a bad way. i just want to be close. in some way. but caryn is blowing her shit. she/ll be back down to 2 friends. and i aint tracey. i can make it on my own. the phases dont phase me. lets see how it plays out.