to add to all my other numbers and growing list of locations. i feel important. i feel good now having a new phone. new number. now i can touch my old world. and see how everyone is fairing. id call whatshisname. but. he doesnt care. so theres no bother or point. and like i said im the reason hes probably changed his number after.all.these.years. and. thats fine. i have to let go one way or another. no matter how much i dislike it. and hate it. because. i do think we couldve benefitted from one another. and. not. in that relationship way. but. business like. because. believe it or not i do have a decent mind. and i am pretty wise. under other circumstances. but. whats.done.is.done. and. its over. for him. so it should be over for me. and itll sting less. later. i suppose. i just couldve used his wisdom now. but. like ive said many times before. im a bit fucked up.these.days. because. i lost my mind. and i dont regret the things ive done. i just wish i wouldve thought a bit more. and used a bit more judgement. and not have been so bitter. and obsessive. but. live. and. learn. it feels good to be able to contact people again. i. thought. i. was. going. to. lose. my. mind. i have an interview tomorrow. and. i really wish id get the job. because. then id know i had at least half a chance of staying here. for. good. maybe. because. i have limited people back home. and everyone thinks they know me so well. and only 2 really do. and thats just too much right now. i was a different amanda there. and i want to be as different from her as possible now. and i just cant be different there. because. they all know you one way. and assume that youll never change. so. fuck. that. i am hot in here tonight.