"I have nothing to lose." I was wrong. Life here will never get any better. M is what I despise. I'm beginning to wonder when my escape will come. I need away from her. Away from here. Away and away. By and by. I spent some time with Dani and L and W today. Wen must be more angry than I thought. I didn't speak to her at all while we were at L's place. It's a shame, it really is. M is driving me nuts. Making me feel guilty for doing anything. I can't go and visit people. I can't stay gone long. I can't do this. I can't do that. I'm fucking 22 damnit. I don't need her on my ass treating me like a child. I don't need her at all anymore. Just when I get to feeling guilty about leaving her and lying to her, she has to go and piss me off. That's all she does. All she wants to do, I think. She likes when I get angry. She likes when I lie. She likes busting my balls. (Figuratively) She's a riding pain in my ass. I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to be here. Or over there. Or anywhere. I have nothing keeping me here, yet I stay and stay. I grow older and weaker in this small town. I grow more and more bitter because I'm afraid I'll never be able to leave. I'll probably die before I get out of this place. I don't care if Wen's mad. Or if M gets more angry. I don't care if I flunk out. Or get cancer. I don't care how polluted everything is. I don't care about weight watchers or meal plans. I don't care about planes or commercialism. I don't care about second hand smoke. Or first hand bad breath. I don't care for an office or a four door delux or even a picket fence. I don't care. Damn things. "I certainly didn't expect that..." D.F.N.