I acted mean to him today. I don't even really know why I was acting all shitty. I think maybe it just hurts to know that he's not interested in me. I mean I act psycho all the time over these guys I barely know. If it was meant to be it would or will be. I need to stop pushing the issue. I figure I will send him an e mail later with the homework attached and just well handle it casually. No more pressure. I hope that I haven't messed anything up. I guess only time will tell. Maybe Wednesday it will be as it was before. I need to stop living my life for these other people. If he doesn't like me, it will not be the end of my world. I get so attached so quickly it's not even funny. Instead of being patient I turn right to bitterness and despising him for being who he is and despising myself for liking him. Anyways, I shall handle this in a new way from now on. He's cool. I'm cool. We'll be cool. No more worrying about whether or not I'll get him. It's ridiculous how I get. My attitude towards the people I supposedly 'like.' So that's how it is now and will be from now on. Fate. Karma. Etc. I can't force things to happen just because I see a shiny object I'd like to get my hands on. No more stressing. Seriously. I need to worry about my own life first. No boyfriend is going to get me where I need to go. I just hope I haven't fucked anything up too much, but like I said I'll guess we'll see how it all goes from now on. As for today it's all right now. I am getting myself together. John has been dead for a whole 2 weeks now. It hurts. It really does. I miss him. My mother misses him. We all miss him. I am done for now.