It isn't easy. Being alive. Breathing. Moving. Witnessing all these horrible things. Missing all the wonderful things. It isn't easy. Being alive. Breathing. Today was an all right day. Laughed a lot. Smiled a lot. No regrets. M seems to be doing all right. We talked. Shared. Had some fun. I shall keep an eye on her just in case. As for me. I'm in between settled and insanity. I can't seem to decide which I prefer. Dani still hasn't called. Wen acted different today. Avoiding me. I didn't look at her. For some reason I can't. A wall is slowly being built between us. I'm moving ahead. She's remaining behind. In pain. Trapped. Trapped in a cage that she built. Why does it have to be like this? You give so much to people to make them feel important. But when it's your time of need they run the other way. Cowards. I didn't make their choices for them. It isn't my fault. I won't feel guilty for leaving them behind. I can't. I can't stay here in this gloomy little town and pretend to be happy. Not I. I'm not sure what it is I am looking for, but I know by now I won't find it here. Sometimes I wonder if I've seen and done too much too early. I became so hard. So tough in a way. And so cold. All I know is I have many issues of my own to deal with. I get lonely. I cry. I rant. I rage. I need. No one I've ever met seems to understand this. Nor care. So to all those people who are sitting, nervous waiting for me to fall, FUCK OFF! I've fallen a million times. Your eyes just aren't quick enough. I'm meant for more than being a young mother with a terrible boyfriend. I'm meant for more. So, that's my venting for the night. On to happy thoughts. Things I've been wondering about: I wonder if one could possibly rent a midget. Is it horribly illegal to steal condiments from restaurants? Toilet paper? Well that's all. Done for now.