I didn't select a mood. I don't think there's a word that describes what I feel lately. I got drunk again last night. M got angry. She wants to sell the house. I don't really care. I've never been happy here anyways. It's all the same. Lately it's as though my life were one slow volcanic eruption. Lava slowly devouring all things around me. Making it's way to bury me. I'm in a down mood I think. Down. Down low. Way down low. I'm a horrible person. To this I finally agree. I am unworthy of love. And I deserve nothing. I give up on dreams. Wishes. Misguided ideas. I give up. So depressing. I'm always depressed. Even when I'm happy I'm still down on the inside. I'd make a wonderful actress. I can lie with the best of them. Oh if only things were different. If only I were different. It doesn't matter. This is how it is. This is how I am. This is how it was all meant to be. This is. I've been giving an idea of mine some serious thought lately. An idea I've had many times. It's a way to fix all of this stuff. To finally fix it. I've been thinking about it a lot lately. The idea resembles that of taking a long walk. A very long walk. I don't know if I can ignore the idea this time. Hmm. I'll figure something out. Done for now.