so last night. not so good. really really really not so good. i was drunk by 9 or 10 or not probably earlier then that. estimated maybe 4 or 5. and i went to sleep. drunk. i woke up sick as fuck. sick.sick.sick. i spent the rest of the night throwing up water and being thirsty as hell. damnit. will i ever get a grip on this shit? am i such a fuck up now that i cant even gain back control. before i could easily train myself. damnit. alcoholism is not fun. not when you get sick it isnt. damnit. ---------------- so no word from gyver. i suppose my little burst of honesty creeped him out a bit. damnit. o well. i dont care. im tired of missing people and no one ever missing me. im tired of wanting people who seem to want me but dont want me. and all of that twisted real life bullshit. its a bother. so i wont bother. i dont care to anymore. ive decided to close the door. i wont try. i wont lie. i wont. because it all comes to nothing for me. so fuck it. i need gatorade. seriously.