'Passing by meaningless objects, trying to forget your name. Remembering the shopping list, forgetting your name.' The whole idea of love is beginning to feel so ridiculous. The idea of one perfect love for everyone is beginning to feel more and more like a dream. A far away dream. I feel that out there somewhere he's waiting for me. He sits and he waits. As I do. He doesn't know my name or even where I'm from, but he knows deep down inside that I'm out there somewhere waiting for him. Sometimes it seems like such a useless battle. The battle to keep waiting. To keep that feeling in my heart. Patience is a virtue. It should be. Sometimes I get so sad and begin to think that maybe I've tricked myself into believing something so I won't feel the burden of my loneliness. Everyone else seems so lucky. So happy. They've found the person they're meant to be with. The person who will love them. Cherish them. Or if all else fails hurt them. I've never been hurt and that's beginning to hurt more than anything. I've never been in love or even been loved. I've never had anyone whisper sweet little nonesense in my ear. Or kiss my cheek. Or hold me when I'm sad. I've never had 'love.' As an illusion or reality. I don't know why this is on my mind today. Than again, it's usually on my mind everyday. I've had chances. Many chances. But no winners. No one who seemed up to the challenge. I have to warn those who try that I am not the average girl or woman. I am angry. Depressed. Lonely. Happy. Emotional. Dreamer. Bitchy. Etc. I am a million different things wrapped up in one. Maybe someday we will all find our one wonderful match. Maybe. Today is a nothing day. A day made for sitting around the house and wishing I was somewhere else. I didn't sleep well last night. I haven't in a long time. I think it may be the pills. Or maybe my extreme lack of entertainment. Either way my brain is bored and beginning to give me hell. I don't know. I don't know at all. I've lost another lb. Only a few more to go before I'm beautiful. Done for now.