i've come to a ditch. in the. road. i'm stuck between here. and. there. without a real place to stand. no stepping stones. no steps. no steps. i'm lost on direction. and my bones. are filled with infection. i can't seem to rid myself of these. things. emotions. tumbling down. my throat like an acid. trip. on a mickey mouse stamp. sliding down. to the yellow line. code red. she is gone and i am dead. inside and outside. and around on the hid side. i won't lie. and say. that it is all better today. because. it isn't. and won't be. and can't be. and do you see. those purple lines. across the sky. she is gone. it isn't a game. no pretend. no faking. real. and getting only realer. and reality. burning so brightly in my eyes. blinding. cannot cry. cannot cry. won't cry. can't. i am misery. and more. pain. and more. and i cannot stop rambling on about it all. because this is my life right now. and i don't like it. i hate it. stuck in a house. buy or sell or sell or buy. or stay or leave or go or stay or leave. or die miserable. i miss you. damn god i miss you. i miss myself. and the way things used to be. and i'm sick of going on about it all. spinning the same damned web time and time again. until i can't breathe. suffocation of my misplaced anger. snuffing out my flame. marcella. my dear marcella. it will never be the same.