No current music or mood. I am giving up on the notion that I'm truly not a screw up. For I am truly a screw up. A fuck up. Doomed. I drank a little last night. A little more than I should've. I enjoy getting lit and watching old television programs like Square Pegs. M of course had to confront me. Why can't she ever just let me be? Constantly in my face. Either praising me to the heavens. Or telling me what a fuck up I am. Sometimes I just wish maybe one of us were gone. Moved. Dead. Something. Maybe not dead. But just away from each other. Well I am officially on my own. No one is around any longer. No Dani. No Wen. No Mike. No Keith. No SEB. No anyone. Speaking of SEB I'm not even sure what her problem might be. She said she doesn't leave for her concert until today. Still she hasn't called. I think it's been a few days since we last spoke. Oh what the hell. What is this diss all over me year? Some weird holiday no one notified me of. Or warned me about. I'm beginning to get rather pissed. It's annoying as hell when your life keeps screwing up. If I had any sense I'd run away. Start a new life. Change my name. Cut my hair. Go underground. Away from all this bullshit. That's all it is, BULLSHIT. With a capital everything. Ugh. I think maybe today is one of those days where it's best if I just crawl back into bed and sleep away the entire day. It's a feeling I have. That this isn't going to be an enjoyable experience after all. I wonder if SEB is mad at me? What reason would she have? Unless she found out about me e mailing Keith. But that's all over and done with. I scared him off. Which is best for all of us. I don't know. It's weird that she hasn't called. Or e mailed. Or sent me smoke signals. All I need is to lose one more friend. Shit. Than I'd have no more friends. I'm down to the wire here. "Why worry about anyone else sabotaging your life, when you do such a wonderful job yourself." Damn me. Damn it. Damn. Onto better things. Why do people say an album is 'off da hook?' Wouldn't it have to be on the hook first? And what's the hook they speak of? I hate slang. Especially that shizzle my fizzle shit. Snoop Dog sounds like a handicapped person with a speech problem. And so does anyone else who repeats that stupid jargon. Sometimes I wonder if rich, white executives sit around a huge oak table all day trying to invent new cool hip urban trends. If so. They need to stop because it's annoying as hell. Well enough of my constant complaining. Time for me to go back to bed, cover my head, and start wishing I was dead. Done for now.