death. death. death. death. i might as well fix the reaper a cup of tea. he's been here enough. keeps visiting. time. and time again. i might as well fix the fucker a cup of tea. invite him to sit down. listen to a few of his lovely death tales. i might as well. everything keeps going down. faster. then. a locomotive. on speed. rushing through buildings. breaking down my city. we built this city... songs stuck in my head. nothing to take away the dead. i'm so stuck. caught. pinned. and pinned. and caged. ENRAGED. i can feel my anger rising. everything coming. the festering despair. the rotting rage. the infectious sorrow. all rising. coming forth again. anew. she's seeing visions of animals. bears. and deer. and antelope. and animals. shadows. in her right eye. mocking. teasing. messages from another side. nothing makes sense. and i'm tired of trying. i'm tired of dealing with the un-dealable. and trying to fix the unfixable. nothing is going well. or swell. or good. or fine. i've cut my hair. my long, long hair. gone. in a whim. i crave change. and a new town. and a new face. amterdam. europe. spain. italy. anywhere that is not here. nor near here. or there. here. damn you. damn you god. damn you. damn it all. i still curse it all. i still hate. my heart pulsates with a feeling i've never felt before. venomous. poisonous. i envy those who enjoy this despair. this pain. i envy those who pretend to feel so lost. time and time again. i envy those little cutters and slashers. for the release that they gain. i envy darkness and it's dominant way. i envy shadows and how they creep. i envy the dead and how they sleep. doomed. dfn.