"It's frightening, how things go about." Nothing has changed. The holidays have come and gone. passed. I'm still me and I'm sure your still you. I hoped for some sort of different feeling, but that too like most things is just a dream. A wish. A useless want. I'm unmotivated lately. I don't feel like moving. or breathing. I feel like going to bed and sleeping. Sleeping for the next few months. "I'm surprised Pat hasn't contacted you." -I'm not. "Have you heard from Pat?" -No. I have not. Why ask? Why bother me with these pathetic questions? They should know by now. I am doomed to be alone. Or maybe blessed. in a way. Sometimes I feel so special. so on TOP. And than I'm at the bottom again. M is hating me because I am lazy. Dani passed her test. SEB is falling back in love. The days are moving slower now. At a much easier pace. Classes will begin again and soon. I'm not happy. Nor apprehensive. I'm BLAH. and EMPTY. and HOLLOW. Although it's all the same. [brief pause] I smell dog food. it's in my nostrils. Making me sick. I'm hitting a slump and I don't seem to mind. Everything is out of order. including my mind. I feel unhappy. Sad even. Down in the Dumps. I've hit a slump. I could write or something. Or use my gift card to buy paints. But why? What have I to paint? What have I to write? Nonsense. And ridiculous thoughts. I wish I would've chosen a different path. A less lonely way. A happier position. "Silver drops of acid fall down upon my crown." DFN.