*Bowling for Columbine* Entertaining documentary I assure you. Fun filled facts enter almost every scene. One of the three movies I rented. One of the three movies I will owe a fine on. One of the three movies that were due back yesterday. I need to stop renting movies. Giggle Video is making a fortune off of my rebellion against the due back day. I also rented: Lord of Rings ~ The Two Towers. House of 1000 Corpses. I have only watched Bowling for Columbine. 1 Day rental is useless and in most cases ridiculous. How can I possibly watch all three movies in a day and a half. Maybe if I wore depends and ate in the living room. Maybe if I let all phone calls go and spent the entire weekend parked in front of the television. Maybe? *Coughing* I don't feel like anything right now. Like some absent minded little rodent trapped in an endless maze with no escape. With no cheese waiting for me at the end. How sad. I used the last of my 'stuff' last night. It's all gone. Along with my brain. I woke up numb and dispondant this morning. Dreading the lengthy hours of nothing to come. Nothing. Such a simple word. I didn't dream last night, I rarely dream at all anymore. Dreams are like some distant goal to reach now. Getting back to the old feeling of sleep security. I always felt better when I dreamt the night before. And now my mind is an empty wasteland of repetitive thought. Useless thoughts. Old, tired out thoughts. About things I no longer wish to think about. Or analyze in my oh so annoying way. *Shrugs* I am an island of myself. Lost somewhere out in the sea. Keeping my feelings hostage. Only letting my soul wander to the waters edge for such a brief time. Teasing. I'm not a writer anymore. I'm not a cracked out poet either. You can't out do the best. And you can't do what's already been done. I think of white linens and bright tapestry. Windows open, inviting the breezes to rest. Salty water. And taffy. I think of a million excuses for why I shouldn't and only one reason for why I should. Watching the sky turn a soft deep blue. Above my head the simple birds fly. Buying their time. Making it all stretch out like some breaking rubber band. Pulled elastic. Trying to sieze the dying day. Breathe. I think of my escape with ease. Leaving it all behind. Forgetting why I was there. Remembering what I'm missing. And wanting it so badly. DFN.