to you. 34 days and counting. actual sobriety. might just be right for me. unless of course i end up corrupting myself all over again. as i tend to do. but. 34 days in 4 to 5 years is the longest ive ever had my mind clear of substances. hallucigens. opiates. depressants. uppers. and. the like. 34 days and counting. and all i can do is hold on tight and realize there is a life out there waiting for me no matter how much id like to believe that it all is in fact over. 34 days. and things already seem new. and new. and old. but ignore the old feelings because im tired of mistreating my unhappiness. selfmedicating. leads. to. selfdestruction. its been a long tall while since ive held thoughts in my brain. since my minds been allowed and permitted to work in such clean surroundings. in such uncluttered clarity. and this is only the beginning. so they tell me. imagine me a few weeks ago heading out to get an 8ball and possibly never to be seen again. and now imagine me here. sitting. thinking. breathing. and no high. on anything. no vodka in water bottles. no coke hidden in my pens and pockets. no pills waiting to be digested. no money to burn a hole right through my pocket. amazing. this time i wont try to purposely fall off of my pink cloud.