and its far past noon now. and i havent done anything really. except sit. and try to decide whether or not taking erics money is the way i should go. i regret asking. no. i dont because i need it now. and i need to get on my feet. selfsufficient. bullshit. baby sprinkles. and lines on the platter. and i miss that. i do. the lightning and being. out. of. control. and i even miss joel. which is weird. considering. we had no interest at all. he is entertaining though. and perfect for danielle. but. she doesnt see it that way. and he doesnt see it that way. and i guess i dont really see it that way. because. things dont work like that. and i did have good times i believe. manymany good times this past year. many times to help me cover up all the bad times i cant seem to shake off. no matter how drunk. or high. or near death. i hate having to forget it. but. if i dont itll eat me alive. forever. and. we cant have that. now can we. no. no. no. nup. i do hope everyone stays safe back there. in that place. erie can get so down some. times. it isnt fair. really. i need to hook up this printer. so i can sign the devils contract. and start again. the right way.