always. perplexed by the rigid outcome of every overindulged crush i attempt. it goes wrong. one. way. or. another. he road into town not even seeking me out. i called. he agreed. we went to the usual spot and had the usual 40 cups of stale coffee. the entire time he told me how much i missed him and needed him and him him him him. and. what was i supposed to do with that. its bad enough. going through this game time and time again. because. the only boys im interested in are the ones i cannot have. for one awkward reason or another. why tell me how much i miss you. and. then leave without a word. not even a small goodbye. the only reply i can muster is. o well. i have no words to fight with. i wont attempt contact. because im too tired of these pathetic time wasting self sabotaging crushes. especially this one on a spoiledknownothingaboutreality19yearold. who only can talk about the greatness of thompsonandsidandsuch. too overly responsible to even attempt such a rebellion that he idolizes so much. o well to you too. just another name etched on my weird list of no-ones. now ive fallen into settling here in dear ol nv. and. i loathe the routine of my scheme. and. the fading dream. bleh. and fuck you too. change is the breath of life. i will not idolize. i will live. just call me rockstar.