what do you want from me? an explanation? a feeling? happiness? an illusion? everything's fucked up. and over. and under. and around. and i can't fix it. i'm unskilled. and hopeless. i can't fix any of it. i can't keep death away. i can't keep him down. locked up. i can't keep her safe. death is coming. whether. she likes it. or i like it. or you like it. he's coming. to take the only thing i have away. to take my mother away. and sure. i may be over-attached. and depressing. fuck you. i'm losing her. i'm losing and have lost. all that i wanted. all that was me. all that made me safe. in no time. i'll be naked. all over again. born into a world anew. without shelter. and love. and compassion. i'm losing the only thing i'd die for. what will be left? the dog with the one blue eye. and the hyper bark. the vicious hell hound of hers. he'll be gone too. someday. and it's all leaving me. and i'm sorry i feel so sad. and so alone. and so alone. 23 years. and she'll be gone. soon. she knows it. she feels it. its still there in her. that demon. that killing silence. that death. i can't keep him at bay. i can't. i argue with god. and curse his name in vain. i spit on all that's holy. and i'd tear heaven open. just to peer inside. and ask why? i'll put out hell's flames. and bring back all i miss. i'm full fledged anger. i'm spite. i'm bitterness. i'm complete hatred. i'm festering. rotting in my horrible torment. i just wanted it all to be okay. i wanted her to have a go at it. it's all so messed now. graduation. with no future. no idea of what to do. i hate these days.