"A sign for the end of times." I'm giving up my addictions. After today I'm starting ANEW. A fresh, clean, and new beginning. I'm forging ahead and leaving all the bad days behind. far behind. My guilt is overwhelming. Deep and seeded. Rooted down in my gut. So it's time to stop. i can recognize. I know the routine. I know the DRILL. Get up. Give it up. Get moving. Let it all go. Fade away into the far, meaningless distance. Become someone new. Become someone capable of making it. Of SURVIVING. I wish I had done this before. a long time ago. Before things got so shitty, so quickly. But. As long as you 'change' does it matter when you CHANGE. No, I don't think so. (i hope not) I spent time away yesterday. Visiting with SEB. and talking. and walking. We ate at Ruby Tuesdays. like usual. We walked around the mall. making fun of people. We talked. and laughed. and sighed. We ended up at the bar. One Smirnoff Triple Black for her. One Blue Drink for me. We mellowed. We said our goodbyes. I drove and seen Dani. we visited. She came home with me. (spent the night) We were 12 again. momentarily. We woke up. I drove her home. Kissed the Angel on the forehead and left. Now I'm home. Regretting things I've done since I was 10. (ten) I won't hold on. I can't. The past is INDEED the PAST. Nothing to change or rearrange. Dealt with. Pushed back. Repented for. Etc. My mind is still on PRD. but I'm letting go. [So I tell myself.] He doesn't remind me too much of M. I'm thinking of reasons not to like him. Not to care. I'll be fine. Things like this don't last too long with me. "I get bored easily." So I say. So I lie to myself. Fabricate the truth. Hope for the best results. (Secretly I may believe, truly believe) Either way. I'll make it. I have to pick classes today. For my last semester. My Farewell. It's cold in this COMPUTER room. The plastic on the windows does nothing. Keeps in the cold. Keeps out the heat. (WARMTH) BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! Anyways. Sunny days. Always. Thought decays. Feeling strays. Always. What the fuck? I don't know. Bullshit. It keeps on comin'. I think I'll go now. and do something. Schedule. Go watch NEMO. Smoke. Take a nap. *COUGH* I am off. "Do not cry for me Argentina..." DFN.