bullshit. and thats all being sober is. unfortunately. meetings. people telling you ITS A WONDERFUL CHOICE. etc etc etc. all i/d like right now is a few lines of blow and some bacardi 151. why cant andrew be around when i need him. or LA-low. or any of the other low lifes i can easily get blown away with. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. and thats the truth. i only miss people because i miss using with people. i only miss people every now and then. but. ive got to realize that this is my new life right now. the old one is long gone. despite my wanting it back. and missing it terribly at times. but. you cannot live in the past. and. change is the only permanent thing in life. next to. death. and. taxes. all that has happened has happened in order to bring me to this very point in being. i am now who i am because im meant to be here this way. no ifs. ands. or. buts. its a terrible thing realizing that youre lonely but not lonely enough to reach out to anyone. even those you kinda miss. in their own special lame way. but. its all only temporary. ive got to focu more attention on making this life count this time. because. im not sure if ill get another go at it again. A CAT ONLY DOES HAVE 9 LIVES. and i believe im at least on my 7th. maybe 8th.