another day gone and passed. passed.by. i am tired. worn. exhausted. hurting. aching. bitter. sad. twisted. and. happy.that.today.is.finally.over. only 2 more days to go until my day off. day.off. and such. 16 more hours. 16. more. hours. ug. everyone needs a roommate. everyone has a room. i need a room. i need a rommate. no one seems to want me. michelle. george. and i will end up on a plane back home. whether i like it or not i believe. whether it hurts like hell or not. whether it tears me apart or not. and. it isnt that i dont miss the people back home. i miss ray. danielle. lisa. will. stosh. angel. little will. dyanna. i miss them. my family. my little.tiny.small.imperfect family. the people that know how i am. and. still love me all the same. the people i dont mind giving too. because. seventh was the place i went when i broke my foot. when i had to wander the streets drunk. when i was lonely as lonely could be. when i messed up. and. fucked up. and puked up. things. and. danielle let me come back around even after blacking out. and. biting her. and hitting her. and hating on her. and ray all the same. hes my boy. my nika. will and lisa are like parents. or. just really good friends. who wont dick you. if. you dont dick them. understood and honest. right in your face laughter. and those are the people i count. the ones who know you fuck up all of the fucking time. but. still call you amanda. and. dont act perfect. and righteous. and dont let you down just because they can. and dont call you just to see if youll come. because. they dont dick you. therefore. you dont have to dick them. i miss my new little lonely family. but. i do not miss erie. or the me i was there. or the things i feel there. or the memories i have there. or the assumptions of everything there. the lies. the illusions. the perfect criminals just waiting to go to jail. and. unfortunately. i miss joe. still. because i didnt want anything but fun. and i didnt put it the right way. and i wont bother him ever again. because. although a guy can forgive his boy for accusing him of sleeping with his girl. he cannot forgive a fuckedup girl. ever. i do hope he gets the money this time. because. i do owe it. even though it would be easy not too. and to forget it. but. i dont want to be like that. not really. i wish someone would say amanda come live with us. and mean it. because i dont want to return yet. just. not. yet. i almost passed out today. almost. came. close. and i guess sarah says it must be my sugar. ive never felt so shaky inside. before. shaky and shaky. and i was sure id end up face down in the middle of someones order. thank you to sarah for saving my life with a glucose sugar pill. i hope i find a place to live before july. i hope joey gets his money. i hope erick gets his as well. i hope danielleandlisaandwillandrayandangelandlittlewillanddyanna last until i get back. i hope my mother still loves me even through all of my sin. i hope work gets better. i hope i have more fun. i hope sarah feels our connection better now. i hope i dont keep fucking up too much. i hope to find some drugs soon.